I wonder if their laughter masked
hurt and disappointment. My heart broke. For them. For what they’re missing.
For friends whose marriages are failing. For husbands and wives who are
divorcing. For families being torn apart. For kids who will hurt now and repeatedly
with every reminder that things aren’t as they once were.
I was in my mid-twenties when my
parents divorced. I don’t know that age made it easier. There were that many
more decades of life as I knew it. I don’t know that it made it harder. I am
thankful for the decades we were a family unit. I do know God hates divorce,
and divorce is never easy because it’s a tearing apart, even if it’s necessary.
Even if it’s biblically justified for adultery. Even if it’s better for all
involved. I don’t dare judge. It’s not my place to say you’re right or wrong if
you did or do. I did. My first marriage ended before the four-year mark. And it
hurt. The Lord has healed, and yet, it remains a permanent part of my past. My
husband did. The Lord has healed, and He formed our beautiful family, and yet,
that first family remains broken. Kids affected forever.
No matter how old you are, your broken
home follows you.
God restores, and joy comes in
the morning. Praise Jesus!
What ignites me, though, is that joy
comes in the midst, but people give up so fast they never experience
it! Not everyone, but a lot. I guess that’s what breaks my heart about
conversations like the one I overheard at the swim meet. James and I had a
disastrous first three years of blessed union. We went from the brink of
divorce three months after our vows to a miserable existence of anger,
bitterness, fighting, financial strain, and family adjustment. And then the
Lord accosted our hearts and began a work He continues to complete in us. And
our marriage is good. Very good. Not perfect, but built on a foundation of
salvation by which Jesus supplies the power necessary for self-sacrifice in
order to be married His way. Putting the other first. Caring about each other’s
needs before our own. Giving each other consideration and respect. Making what’s
important to the one important to the other. It is full of passion, friendship,
support, laughter, companionship, kindness, and love. It has times of
frustration, selfishness, anger, annoyance, and irritability met with
repentance, forgiveness, and restoration. We are one. No, three – a three
stranded cord with Jesus that is not easily broken, as Ecclesiastes 4:12 says: “Though
one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is
not quickly broken.”
If we’ve been the victim of
divorce or have divorced in the past, there may not be anything we can do to
change what’s happened, but there’s a lot we can do as husbands and wives NOW
to protect, preserve, and strengthen our marriages to make sure what God joins
together no man tears apart, including ourselves. Not an enduring, but an
enjoying. Not a surviving, but a thriving. Not a getting by, but a flying high.
It starts with Jesus. Our relationship
with Him. The kind that’s transforming, changing the fiber of who we are,
starting with our hearts. Transforming our minds. Loving Him so much we’re
willing to do what He says, even when it goes against ever fiber of our being.
Even when we don’t think our spouse is doing what they’re supposed to be doing.
Even when we don’t think they deserve it. Staying in the marriage when going
seems to be so much easier. Extending forgiveness when it’s undeserved. Acting
in love when what we feel is hate. Showing kindness when wounds are still
fresh.
Like Jesus, who “because of the
joy awaiting Him, He endured the cross, disregarding its shame” (Hebrews
12:2, NLT).
Interesting, endure in the Greek means to remain. He remained on the cross. He could
have left, but He didn’t. He bore mistreatment bravely and calmly. He thought
little to nothing of the dishonor and disgrace. Not to say it was no big deal. Rather,
the magnitude of the joy for which He was destined put the suffering in
perspective.
It can be the same in our
marriages. The magnitude of the joy for which we are destined when we do
marriage God’s way can help us put any suffering in perspective.
Sometimes we’ll have to endure. Bravely
and kindly. We’ll have to remain married even when we could leave (and want
to!). Endure suffering. Humble ourselves. Seek help, if needed. Stay put.
It’s worth it!!!
I am shouting on paper here, holding your arms and looking
you straight in the eyes with as much conviction as I can muster and attempt to
transfer! I have seen what God can do, in my marriage and up close and personal
in several others that were destined for divorce court.
There is joy set before
us!!!
Genuine wedded bliss.
Jesus, be our glue. Heal,
restore, and strengthen our marriages as we become wholly Yours today.
Shauna Wallace
Holy His
No comments:
Post a Comment