LTS #3: Who Can I Judge?

“You are so judgmental!” a child declares. “I am not judging you,” I reply. “I am your mother, and it is my job to correct you when what I see does not line up with what God desires from you,” I explain.

Am I not supposed to judge my children? How do I correct behavior and train them if I can’t judge them? Monday we talked about a critical tongue. Plucking out our planks before we judge, which in reality stops us in our tracks. Yet I have been genuinely stumped when it comes to addressing obvious needs in my children without judging them. Then I attended a workshop on prayer. I wasn’t going to attend. My family was visiting churches, and I received an email about a women’s event at a church we had attended only once. I normally would have dismissed it right away, but the Holy Spirit clearly prompted me to go. No excuse would stand up against His nudge. So I registered and went. Not only did the Lord provide some desperately needed confirmation for a portion of my book with which I was struggling, but through the speaker, He solved my conundrum. I am so thankful for this simple gem shared that day:

We never have the right to judge another person’s character, only God can do that; and the only time we have the right to judge another person’s behavior is if we are in a position of authority over that person.

What does this have to do with curing Loose Tongue Syndrome (LTS)?!?! It has everything to do with the tongue, which has to do with the heart, for “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt. 12:34). As such, my words do a pretty good job of revealing when I’ve crossed the line from behavioral correction to character judgment. Words that follow openers like, “You are so…” or “You are always…” or “You should…” or “Will you ever…” or “Your heart is so full of…” All a loose tongue.

So I’ve pondered. How do we know the difference? For me, it boils down to this: behavior has to do with specific actions; character has to do with the heart. Above all, we have to genuinely agree with God’s word that only the Lord judges righteously, testing the mind and heart (Jer. 11:20). As much as we want to think we can, we cannot know what’s in a person’s heart, even if we gave birth to them. Only God searches and knows the heart, theirs and ours. If I have authority over the person, and an action needs correction, then I can judge and correct the action. If not, not only can I do nothing, but really, I need to say nothing.

Blurring the lines are the motives of my heart. Proverbs 21:2 says, “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart.” If my every way is right in my own eyes, how can I know when I’ve crossed the line from correction to condemnation, or when I’ve crossed the line and am judging someone over whom I have no authority?

FILTER ONE: If I have determined, in my opinion, that you are guilty or right or wrong, I am judging.

Luke 6:37, clearly instructs: “Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Judge in the Greek means “to pronounce an opinion concerning right or wrong” (www.blueletterbible.com, Strong’s G2919, krinō). Condemn in the Greek means to “pronounce guilty” (www.blueletterbible.com, Strong’s G2613, katadikazō) by means of passing judgment on that person. Therefore, filter one.

FILTER TWO: If the guilt I’ve assigned addresses a person’s integrity, virtue, purity of life, rightness, correctness of thinking, feeling, and acting, I am judging character.

Philippians 1:11 (NLT) exhorts, “May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation – the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ – for this will bring much glory and praise to God.” In the King James Version, character translates righteousness, which in the Greek means “integrity, virtue, purity of life, rightness, correctness of thinking, feeling, and acting” (www.blueletterbible.com, Strong’s G1343, dikaiosynē). Therefore, filter two.

FILTER THREE: If I have the authority to correct, is there a scriptural basis for my correction?

Am I holding my crooked stick up to another’s crooked stick, as my pastor would say, or am I letting the straight stick of the word of God reveal crookedness? “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Tim. 3:16-17).  This filter can be challenging, because it requires knowing what God’s word says and where to find it. However, it is worth every bit of effort.

I have found that sharing what GOD says makes it about His expectations and not mine, and through His word, He corrects character issues that are at the root of the behavior problems.

If I can hold scripture up to the behavior, and scripture condemns it as right or wrong, then it is God who has judged. When it comes to integrity, virtue, purity of heart, rightness and correctness of thinking, feeling, and acting, only the Holy Spirit can convict and change the heart. Proverbs is a great place to start! There are also scripture books you can buy at any Christian bookstore that catalog scriptures by topic. Coming soon, my book, Holy His: Hope for a Life and a Nation Wholly His, offers this type of catalog, as well.

So we correct with grace and let God do the rest. We put on “tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering” (Col. 3:12). And we check our motives. Jesus said in John 5:30, “I can of Myself do nothing. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is righteous, because I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me.” When we have the authority to judge another person, are we seeking our own will or the will of the Father? In John 12:47, Jesus said, “And if anyone hears My words and does not believe, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world.” Is our goal salvation? Is our goal to lead others – those under our authority and those not – to the cross with every interaction we have with them? If Jesus didn’t come to judge, then what makes us think we can? He came to save. Through grace. Unmerited favor. Am I extending that same grace to my children, others under my authority, and even those who are not?

Today’s LTS symptom: condemnation.

Today’s antidote: correction with a humble heart and an enormous measure of the grace that’s been given to us.

Thank You, Jesus, that you came not to judge but to save. As we seek to be more wholly Yours today, Lord, please transform us by Your Holy Spirit, searching our hearts and correcting our errant ways.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His

My Wicked Tongue

As soon as I said it, conviction seized me. My daughter stood there, shell shocked, wounded by my words. Without saying a word, her expression spoke of the betrayal she felt. I hurt just remembering. Tears threaten. I don’t even remember why I was so frustrated with her, which shows you how important it must have been. I can guess it was probably over disobedience, or arguing, or negotiating, or complaining. Chances are I was neglecting my responsibility to hold my kids accountable to first-time obedience, or I was slacking in holding them to the Lord’s standards. And in frustration, I let what was in my heart escape my tongue, and my daughter was a casualty of the war that rages inside of me. I do remember exactly what I said. Even though I asked for forgiveness, the words can’t be taken back. How I wish they could! I pray she doesn’t remember so clearly. That the Lord in His great mercy and love takes an eraser to her memory and wipes clean the sinful words of her mother. The one who is supposed to lift her up and encourage her in the Lord. Oh, Father, forgive me! Not just for that instance, but for every time I’ve used my words as a weapon against my family and those I love.

The temptation of the tongue is great. It relentlessly lurks in idle time, uncomfortable silence, anger, hurt, revenge, pride, humor, frustration, confusion, uncertainty, ambition, competition, insecurity, bitterness, discontentment, and unforgiveness. It thrives when we allow a controlling, critical, or judgmental spirit to rule our hearts. When we succumb to the lure of a loose tongue, the consequences are deadly. Oh Lord, I need Your word! I need Your rescue. I need Your grace. My tongue betrays what’s in my heart, and my eyes witness the ugly truth. Out of the outflow of my heart my mouth speaks (Matt. 12:34).

Wrong words have found a comfortable place in my family. All kinds of wrong words. “Unwholesome talk,” as Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) calls it. “Rotten, putrefied, corrupted by one and no longer fit for use, worn out, of poor quality, bad, unfit for use, worthless” talk, if you look it up in the Greek (www.blueletterbible.com, Strong’s G4550). Other versions call it corrupt communication (KJV), corrupt word (NKJV), foul or abusive language (NLT), corrupting talk (ESV).

My default response is to address the words. “I’ll do better next time.” Or, “I just have to hold my tongue.” Or I’ll memorize a scripture and quote it to myself and my kids. Better yet, we’ll all memorize it and that will fix the problem. I’ll make the kids role play appropriate words. Yeah, that will do it! Not that there’s anything wrong with any of that. We should make an effort to discipline our tongues. We should memorize scripture that we might not sin against God (Ps. 119:11). We should teach and train our kids to say things in a God-honoring way. But the spoken symptoms simply signal a deeper problem. In me. In my family. A heart issue that requires a gospel solution. Only the blood of Jesus can satisfy the penalty our words deserve. Only a genuine love for Him, birthed out of gratitude for the magnitude of what He’s done for us, can compel us to submit to his scalpel. Only a desperate realization of our destitute state without Him. Remembering that Jesus died for all sin for all time. He died for all the things we’ve said and the things we will say. He satisfied the demands of a holy God. In Christ, covered by His blood, we have too.

Our salvation is secure. Our sanctification is ongoing.

We need the Great Physician to be our great heart surgeon, cutting out tumors and healing sickness and disease in that part of us that is “the centre and seat of spiritual life; the soul or mind, as it is the fountain and seat of the thoughts, passions, desires, appetites, affections, purposes, endeavors; of the understanding, the faculty and seat of the intelligence; of the will and character” (www.blueletterbible.com, Matt. 12:34, heart, Strong’s G2588).

Unless the Lord changes our hearts, our tongues will tattle. In all things, including the secrets of my inner life. When James asks me for help, and I ask him if he can’t see the piles on my desk that need my attention, is that a tongue problem or a heart problem? Both, yes. But the root of the issue is in my heart. If my heart was truly submitted to the Lord, to serving James and being his help mate, my words would reflect that. When I’m resisting James’ authority and he puts his foot down, only to have his wife salute him with the words, “Heil Hitler,” is that a tongue or a heart problem? When I critically comment on a person’s clothing or look, is that a tongue or a heart problem? When I rant and rave about how someone has offended me, is that a tongue or a heart problem? When a child needs my help at the most inopportune time, and I let out an exasperated sigh, is that a tongue or a heart problem? When I get frustrated with my family and my words fly like daggers, is that a tongue or a heart problem? When I don’t know what to do in a relationship, and I talk to other people about it, is that a tongue or a heart problem? (More on that Monday.)

Lord, exert Your holy influence on my heart! Please, Lord, give Your grace that turns me to Jesus, keeps me there, strengthens me, and increases my faith, knowledge, and love for You, and compels me to walk in Your ways.

When our hearts change, so will our words.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Ps. 139:23-24). No matter what You find, Lord, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (Ps. 51:10). I beseech You, Lord, to strengthen me to obey Ephesians 4:29-32:

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

Heavenly Father, I do not despise Your discipline. I am not discouraged by your rebuke. For you discipline the ones You love. (Heb. 12:5-6). I welcome Your discipline, Lord.

May the Lord discipline each of us right where we need it in order to become wholly His today.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His