All Stirred Up

Anxiety stirs. Ever since news of a sexual assault at gunpoint in a neighbor’s backyard last week, something in me just won’t settle. Or is it news that one more of my favorite companies openly declared its support of same-sex marriage? The world shrinks. The back yard is no longer safe. There’s one more business I won’t support, one more option off the table. Perhaps it’s the heartbreak I can’t shake for my daughter who doesn’t understand why her friend isn’t playing with her anymore. Or the unresolved issue with another child who isn’t hearing. Then of course there are the piles of paper mocking me from the top of my desk, stalking me with the worry of unfinished business. Uneasiness plagues me. Hormones mix it up worse. Peace escapes me. All I can manage before running out the door at 8 a.m. to begin a day full of meetings and errands is twenty minutes to dump the craziness in my head and the heaviness of my heart on to the lines of the page where my eyes witness the cry of my heart to my God who just has to hear me. A knot forms in my throat several times. I swallow it. No time for tears.

I drop my daughter off at class and head to my first appointment. “Lord, please, you just have to give me a scripture to stand on today, a verse to which I can train my thoughts when these same concerns cycle through my head again and again.” The one about being anxious over nothing comes to mind. I search anxious in the Bible app on my phone. Found it! Philippians 4:6: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.” A glimpse of relief peeks back at me. I wonder what the previous verses say. I read them. “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (verse four). Rejoice??? Really??? And it’s exclamatory, not just a casual suggestion. “How do I rejoice, Lord, when all I want to do is cry? I don’t feel like rejoicing, but it’s right here in Your word, before you tell me to be anxious over nothing.” As if it’s a prerequisite to peace. I’m desperate. I obey. Not because I feel like it, but because I want the peace so badly. I want to do this His way. Thankful that onlookers would likely assume I was engaged in a passionate cell phone conversation via Bluetooth, I declared firmly and loudly: “I rejoice in You, Lord, that You are creator and ruler of this universe! I rejoice in You, Lord, that none of my struggles are a surprise to You! Lord, I rejoice in You that You are not caught off guard by any of this! I rejoice in You that You know all things and are all powerful. I rejoice in You that You will give me the information I need when I need it. I rejoice in You that You will accomplish Your purpose and Your plan in all things.  I rejoice in You, Lord, that where I am lacking, You will complete the work You started in me and my children.” I look up rejoice in the Greek. It means to be exceedingly glad in the Lord. I focus my attention on my God – on those things about Him for which I am exceedingly glad – and my concerns begin to ease. In light of the bigness of my God, my worries become a bit smaller.

I keep reading. “Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand” (verse five). That’s odd. Sort of stuck there. There has to be a reason. What is it Lord? Maybe the Greek holds clues that will unlock its significance. It’s talking about my behavior. Maybe even my disposition. Any and all people who see me in my private life, my church life, my business life, at Bible study, with my friends, in public. What do they see? What is made known to them? What knowledge do they gain about me or perceive? Gentleness?  Is my behavior suitable? Equitable and fair? Mild? What about when I’m stressed and anxious, like I have been this week? Am I the same person in all places and in all circumstances? There really isn’t a private life, is there? The verse says so. “The Lord is at hand.” Both physically and in time. My Messiah and Lord Jesus Christ is positioned right near me. He is right here. Always. Sunday, when I snap at my husband in front of church. He is near. He and anyone looking saw. Gentleness is not what was known. Oh to be able to hide my face! It also implies I have near access to God. In those stressful moments when I’m not myself, He is right there. And He is soon to come. When He does, how will He find me? Even if I’m stressed? The key is in the rejoicing. If I am exceedingly glad, there is no room to be exceedingly anxious, and I can be exceedingly gentle. Lord, I will practice rejoicing!

Reading on, I come back to “Be anxious for nothing.“ I repeat it. Again and again. Just to be sure I get it. It means do not be troubled with cares over anything. Do not seek or promote my own interest in anything. That sheds some light. Is that the source of my anxiety? Seeking my own interest in all these things? It hits me. Truth. Do not be troubled, Shauna, or seek your own interest  for your daughter and her friendships. Do not be troubled or seek your own interest for the piles on your desk. Do not be troubled, Shauna, or seek your own interest with regards to danger that lurks around you. Do not be troubled or seek your own interest with regards to shopping your values and if it will one day mean not shopping at all. Even for food. (Yes, my mind does go that far to the extreme very fast!) Be anxious not over your hormones. Be anxious not. Period. And the next word is but. Really, it’s saying rather or instead. “But in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” (verse six). So instead of troubling myself and seeking my own interest, practice thanksgiving. Address God with my needs and wants – seeking and asking – AFTER giving thanks! Give thanks first. Rejoice and give thanks. Then I will be anxious over nothing. I can’t be thankful and full of fear at the same time. I can’t  be exceedingly glad and uneasy at the same time. We have to do something instead of worrying. Instead of fretting. Rejoice and give thanks!

The result? Peace! It’s the very thing that drove me to God for a verse on which to train my mind. “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (verse seven). That’s exactly what I need!!! I need your peace. My heart and mind need guarding. Lord, I will do this. I will rejoice. I will give thanks. Starting now. Thank You, Lord, for Your word. For this very specific word. Thank You that it is alive and active, right now, for me. I need it so desperately. Thank You for being at work in and through me, even when it’s uncomfortable. Thank You that You will work all of this together for good. Thank You for the opportunity to learn more about You, Your truth, Your ways. Thank You.

And His peace does as He says as I move from appointments to errands. Anxious thoughts threaten. They are met by the word of God. They are met with rejoicing. With thanksgiving. And the peace goes deeper. On my way home, I think about the last words of the verses God gave me. Yes, I feel like they were just at the very moment I needed them. The last three words register: Through Christ Jesus. It all happens through Christ Jesus. It is only possible because He makes it possible. It is only possible for me because He saved me and I am in Him. Through Him, I rejoice. Through Him, I give thanks. Through Him, I make my requests known to God. Through Him, I can experience peace that passes understanding. Through Him, that peace will guard my heart. My burdened heart. Through Him, that peace will guard my mind. Everything is through Him. Salvation. Hope. Healing. Help.

Pulling into my neighborhood, finally done with all my running around, I vent to my sister. I need prayer. She listens. She affirms. I share the scripture the Lord gave me. She emphasizes thanksgiving. Regarding my heartbreak for my daughter and her friend dilemma, she encourages me, “You can thank Him for what you can learn from this and what Elly can learn. For the ways you can train her in the ways of the Lord through this.” Thank you, Lord. “And you can thank Him for using it to turn her heart toward her family.” Thank you, Lord. “And you can thank Him for using this as a way for her big sisters to be a good friend to her.” Thank you, Lord. Thank you for my sister. Thank you for the truth she speaks in love.

This morning, she emails me a prayer. One that pierces my burdened heart with hope. One that pierces my concerns with what matters most to God.

My prayer is that this will be a time for you all to be filled with God’s grace and peace.  I pray that you can be the gospel to your family and friends. That you will love them selflessly.  Thank you Lord for these times that you refine us and remind us that you are the ONLY one we can rely on. Please cause their hearts to turn to you and trust you in everything. 

When the devil stirs it up and steals your peace, resist! Rejoice! Give thanks! Repeat as necessary. Stir things up in the Lord. Be anxious for nothing. And may the peace of God which surpasses all understanding guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus as you become wholly His today.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His

Maybe the Shoe Is a Hand

I lied. This is not the final post for this series on the faithfulness of God. I simply cannot wrap it up yet. Sitting in church this past Sunday, January 1, 2012, my pastor suggested there might be things about 2011 we would rather forget. “Amen! Don’t you know it!” I shouted in my head. Immediately, the Holy Spirit brought pause to my thoughts: “Really, Shauna? Do you really want to forget?”And you know what? I don’t, and here’s why. If I forget the painful, frustrating, disappointing experiences of the past year, if I simply sweep them under my “let’s not go there” rug, the tender revelations, the faith-altering lessons, and the new depth of my intimate relationship with the Lord also fall victim to the memory erasing broom. In that moment, appreciation welled up within me for the hardships through which He allowed me to see, know, and experience Him in a tangible way. No matter how many shoes drop, I don’t want to forget.

Then yesterday, I sat across the breakfast table from two of the strongest, most beautiful women I know. They have something in common and I wanted them to meet: cancer. Two hours passed like ten minutes. Joy wells up within my heart. I can’t yet articulate my emotions. I’m overwhelmed with the tenderness and power of the God of all creation at work in and through these two sisters in Christ. They shared honestly about chemo and wigs, fear and faith, and the power of the word of God. And the question of why. Sound familiar? I asked that a lot this last year. It was time to go. They exchanged phone numbers, and we said our goodbyes. One friend headed to Houston for treatment, and as is the female way, the two of us who remained carried on in the parking lot. It was then, and in the car as I ran errands and hooked up for lunch with my sister-in-law, that God began to connect thoughts and dots in my head. Thus the extension to my series and two more truths to share today.

IRREVOCABLE TRUTH #5: The real question isn’t why, but how. As we set aside our own understanding, knowing that God’s thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways, there will be things we just aren’t going to understand this side of heaven. Babies are conceived but not delivered. Margins are clear and then cancer reappears. Children die before their parents. A young student commits suicide. A perfect marriage fails. Disaster strikes and suffering overwhelms a family or a nation. A 95-year-old is ready for heaven yet lingers in a degenerating body. Why? Does God allow these things to happen? Does He cause them? These are hard questions. I’ve asked them. And He always leads me back to Him. Who He is, what He says in His word, who I am in Christ, and what He wants from me. And the question changes. It’s no longer why, but how? How, Lord, would you have me walk through this challenge in such a way that You are glorified? How, Lord, do I need to be transformed by the renewing of my mind? How, Lord, can I be useful to You as I walk through this time? Talking in the parking lot, my breakfast buddy shared with me that she got to the point where she simply couldn’t allow herself to ask why any more. Thinking back on this morning’s conversation, she shared about a time when she received her chemo treatments in a large, open room with other cancer patients. Relationships were formed and doors opened to share her faith. People who at first seemed turned off by her faith would return and ask for prayer. That’s a how.

IRREVOCABLE TRUTH #6: In our suffering, we experience the comfort of Christ, in order that we can extend His comfort to others who are suffering. Second Corinthians 1:3-7 says:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same suffering which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation.

I have a whole new appreciation for what it means to suffer a miscarriage. I have experienced the comfort of Christ and can now share that comfort with others. I have experienced the comfort of Christ through a year of back-to-back disappointments. I can now share that comfort with others. My friends can share the comfort of Christ with each other and other cancer patients in a way that I cannot. I guarantee there is theology in the above scripture that is way deeper and beyond the simple truth I am pulling from it. As I read it, I ask myself: Am I willing to suffer that others might experience the comfort of Christ through me? Am I willing to suffer for another’s consolation and salvation? Am I willing to be inconvenienced in order that God may be glorified? Lord, by Your grace, may my answer be “Yes, and amen!”

I did a little research on the origin of the saying waiting for the other shoe to drop. According to www.answers.com (12/29/2011), the phrase means one is “waiting for something bad to happen which you are expecting. It comes from a famous music hall joke about a man who is woken by the drunk upstairs dropping his shoe. He can't get back to sleep because he is waiting for the second crash on the ceiling. Eventually he shouts upstairs ‘For Heaven’s sake, drop the other shoe!’” I propose to you there is no such thing as the proverbial other shoe. There is, however, the hand of God carrying out His perfect will, not just for us, but for all of mankind, for His glory, and for His kingdom purpose. First Peter 5:6-11 tells us:

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

I am no longer looking for a shoe. Only a Hand.

May the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you as you become wholly His.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His