Another "See You Later"

It is not my scheduled day to post, yet I am compelled by a heavy heart and heart of joy to celebrate a special life with a special blog. If you've read my posts for very long, you've met this amazing woman. She is the inspiring friend with cancer who defied the why of suffering with the goal of glorifying God in the how of walking through it with Him (see http://shaunawallace.blogspot.com/2012/01/maybe-shoe-is-hand.html). She is the mother who grieved with hope when her daughter, Katy, unexpectedly died in a car wreck, and in her mourning, her heart's desire was to see lost souls come to know Christ because of Katy's life and death (see http://shaunawallace.blogspot.com/2012/02/untimely-death-timeless-hope.html and http://shaunawallace.blogspot.com/2012/02/unspeakable-sorrow-unspeakable-joy.html).

She is home now. She ran her race well all the way to the finish line. Heaven. She kept the faith, eyes fixed on Jesus the entire time. To the very end. She did not receive her healing in the flesh here on Earth. No, she got something so much better!

Her family grieves, for sure, yet there is peace. Hope. They know where Sherri is. They know they will see her again. And the faith she firmly embraced now lives on in her husband and children who know God is good no matter the circumstances.

There is no end to the ways this family's joy in suffering has blessed and encouraged me. I stand in awe of God's power to comfort and sustain as I witness their love for Him through the most difficult of times. As I kissed her forehead and said "See you later" just days before she passed, the presence of the Lord and His joy filled their home. Sitting peacefully on the other side of the bed answering a continuous flow of posts on FaceBook, her husband, Van, smiled and praised His faithful God while watching his wife's body slowly shut down. It is impossible to capture in human words the supernatural wonder of what I saw that day. What I can articulate is the boost to my faith. The comfort and courage that God CAN carry us through ANYTHING. The resolve to let faith defeat fear. Gratitude that even when we do grieve – and being humans living on an earth where death is certain, we will – we do so with hope when we Jesus is our savior.

Sherri is with Katy. Van will be with her again. My grandfather is with my mother. I will be with them again. For those of us who by grace through faith have been saved, there will be a day when we see Jesus face to face, along with all those who have gone before us. What a glorious day that will be...day one of the rest of eternity!

Faced with death, again, I am compelled to ask, again, do you have that hope? Have you faced the death of a loved one without hope? Hope can be yours today! Eternal assurance. Comfort. Peace. As God gives you grace, respond in faith. Faith in His son. Believe in your heart Jesus is Lord, and confess with your mouth.

“’The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart’ (that is, the word of faith which we preach): that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the Scripture says, ‘Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.’ For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. For ‘whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved’” (Romans 10:8-13).

Thus says the word of the Lord.

If you haven’t called on the name of the Lord, you can do it now. And when believers in Jesus prepare to leave this life for eternity, it's no longer "Good-bye." As my Aunt Janice says, it's "See you later."

Sherri, I know you’re no longer here, but the testimony you lived remains in my memories and in my heart where I will cherish your friendship always. Your unwavering faith. Your endless joy. Your warm, infectious smile. I'll see you later!

Van, what a beautiful picture of Christ loving the church as you served and sacrificed for Sherri. As you trusted our Father in heaven with knowing Sherri’s every breath. As you determined, along with your children, to continue to praise our amazing God, no matter what. Your faith spurs me on to greater faith!

Lord, strengthen and renew Van in the days to come. Fill the void Sherri and Katy left with the fullness of Your presence. For all who are grieving the loss of a loved one, whether recent or not, comfort them and give them peace. Only You can.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His

Travel Unravel: A Vacation from God or with Him?

The family resemblance becomes more striking every time we travel. Each vacation evokes images of the Grizwold clan with its quarks, disasters, and ensuing escapades. So it is for us, and the beginning of our trip to Lake Tahoe marked the start of yet another Griz-Wallace family adventure! Luggage heaped on people, and people stacked on people, the six of us plus our neighbor piled into our SUV for the trip to the airport. James slowly recovered from the fact that I dumped the coffee before he got his refill for the road. Samantha sat sideways on my lap, seatbelt snuggling both bodies. Elly slightly visible in the very back. A mere 15 minutes behind schedule. A great start! Rolling into the street, all was smooth sailing, until our speed exceeded fifteen miles per hour. A sound like bending metal vibrated the vehicle.

“What is that noise?!?!” Eyebrows elevated. Nervous smiles spread. Questioning looks exchanged.

The greater the speed, the louder the groan. No warning lights on the dash. No external signs of steel bending or falling apart.

The verdict: The strap holding the golf clubs to the ceiling of the car cut the wind, whining ferociously the faster we drove. No need to stop. No need to assess the security of the strap job. Oh no! Just plow forward, Griz-Wallaces! Load checks through the sunroof every few seconds will do the trick. Raise your voice a bit if you have something to say, and we’re good to go! And pray that nothing goes flying from the roof when we hit the beltway!

Never a dull moment. For that I am thankful, actually. Most of the time. Although, a dull moment every once in a while is a glorious thing. But if it lasts too long, then it’s wrong. Something feels off. The way I feel when a vacation leaves me out of my groove with God. Off.

Morning quiet times filled with extra hours of sleep. Solitary time with God replaced with home-cooked hot breakfast, family banter, and pressure to get to the attraction of the day. God doesn’t go anywhere. It’s me. In taking a week off from life as I know it, I find myself neglecting the very things that make life anywhere worth living. Even life on vacation.

I find myself feeling a bit empty. Agitated. In need of His peace. In need of a return.

He beckons. His grace calls. He opens my eyes to His glory all around me. To His presence always there. To Him. And to the fact that it’s not a designated time of day or amount of time spent with Him that keeps me close. It’s a constant awareness of Him. A constant turning to Him. A constant dialogue. A heart turned to Him no matter where I am or what schedule I keep. And making time, even if it’s just a little, to read His word. To absorb His truth. To sit with Him at the start of my day so the rest of my day can reflect Him.

Snow falls. Flames dance in the fireplace. Elly builds snowmen on the balcony railing. The older girls read Christian novels on their various electronic devices. Ryan details his latest business idea, while James practices his golf swing in the bedroom. It’s a tame Griz-Wallace day. Our last day in Lake Tahoe. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do.

I smile. Inside and out.

God is good. His mercy endures forever. He is slow to anger and quick to forgive. His grace awaits where our pride would hold a grudge. He is ever present when we are quick to jump ship. His arms wide open when ours are crossed in defiance.  

It is an invitation to return. His goodness for my repentance (Romans 2:4). His kindness that I might seek His forgiveness and His face. A reminder that no matter what the intensity of extended togetherness reveals about our family dynamics, no matter how many do-over moments that togetherness demands, I want to extend the same to my Griz-Wallace family. Every quirky one of them.

Lord, please continue Your sanctifying work in me, on vacation and as we settle back into our routine. Make me more wholly Yours every day.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His

When a Mole Hill IS a Mountain

I am relieved to report I am surviving! I have more peace today than I did a week ago. Not all the time…yet. But more of the time, and you know what? I’ll take it! I am rejoicing…still. Even when I don’t feel like it…still. And I am in awe of God’s goodness and faithfulness. He heard my cries for help, and He answered, above and beyond the itty-bitty realm of possibility from which I asked. Honesty was risked and friendship restored. Humble love was risked and a child poured out their heart, even the struggles for which I was to blame. Lying bare at the foot of the cross, God covered me. Carried me. Caused me to seek after His plan. His purpose. His ways. And then He gave me more. More of Him. More of His truth. More for my children. The more I was troubled, the more ready I was for anything He had for me. I didn’t care what the truth was, or how hard it might be to receive, I just wanted truth. And He gave. And some of it hurt. It was about me. My shortcomings. My sins. My neglect. My selfishness. My desperate need for a Savior every day. My desperate need for grace every moment. My insecurities. It hurt good, though. The kind of hurt that brings an end to the bleeding. The kind of hurt that marks the beginning of God’s healing. God’s treatment. God’s rehab. God’s deliverance. By faith.

Faith. Jesus says, “I say to you if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain , ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you’” (Matt. 17:20). A mustard seed. That’s not very big. My mole hills become mountains, and I wonder what that sliver of faith looks like. Does the fact that I’m struggling mean I have forsaken faith altogether? God shows me the answer. No! Faith isn’t always some catastrophic, life-changing moment when we say yes to God to the accompaniment of angels singing the Hallelujah chorus. Hebrews 11:1 defines faith simply as “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” It is the conviction we have that what we hope for in Christ is actually a reality today. It is the proof we and others need of the reality of what we cannot see. Faith is evidence of Jesus. It is evidence of salvation. It is evidence of hope. It is evidence of grace. Things that happen in a realm undetectable to the bodily eye are tested and proved by our faith. Sometimes it’s faith to do the big stuff God requires, like leave everything that’s comfortable and familiar, and follow after Him. But other times, like for me these last few weeks, it’s the faith to turn to God every three minutes because that’s as long as I can make it before my mind wanders to worry and He has to turn me back to Him.

Regardless of the measure of faith we have at any given moment, we simply must have faith. When we are saved by grace, it is through faith (Eph. 2:8). It is not of ourselves, but God is the one who deals each one of us the measure of faith we have (Rom. 12:3). He moves on our hearts to respond to Jesus with the faith He gives, and He saves us. Based on Hebrews 11, look at what He accomplishes by the faith He gives:

By faith, we gain understanding. By faith, we obey God from a right heart. By faith, the lives of those who have passed before us still speak to us today. By faith, God delivers. By faith, we are saved and can do the really hard things God requires. By faith, we become heirs of the righteousness that is according to faith. By faith, we can obey when we have no idea where it will lead. By faith, we can live temporarily, anchored only to Him. By faith, we can experience the impossible. By faith, we can consider Him faithful who has promised. By faith, we can seek a heavenly country. By faith, we pass the tests we face, even the extremely difficult ones. By faith, we can bless our children and speak of the future. By faith, we can defy evil rulers without fear. By faith, we can refuse position and heritage in order to be who and where God calls us. By faith, we endure. By faith, we see the unseen. By faith, we can do things that have never been done before. By faith, we can experience miracles and deliverance against all natural odds.

Everything is by faith in the unseen. Faith requires focusing on the heavenly. Faith makes the impossible insignificant. Void. Ineffective. Faith gives God all the glory. Faith preaches from our lives long after we’re gone. Faith strengthens others to faith.

The greatest faith truth for me this week? By faith, I can leave everything behind and find the ability to sacrifice even what is closest to my heart. The hard truth? Many times, the thing closest to my own heart is my own self. By faith, I can sacrifice self. That is what is on the alter right now. Me. My desires to control my children’s lives. My desire to have and be their answer. My desire to figure things out so I can fix things for them. My activities and accomplishments that supersede God’s priorities for my time and energy.

Hebrews 11 chronicles the big leagues of faith. The all-stars. Faith’s hall of fame.  Abel. Enoch. Noah.  Abraham. Sarah. Isaac. Jacob. Joseph. Moses. Rahab. Gideon. Barak. Samson. Jephthah. David. Samuel. The prophets. All big players. All simple men and women. Just like you and me in some way. Imperfect. Inconsistent. Interfering. Tempted. Stumbling. Manipulative. Sordid past. Yet, God gave them faith, and their faith is the evidence we need today for our faith.

“Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him” (Heb. 11:6). Thank You, Lord, for the measure of faith You have given me. I ask You now, in Jesus’ name, please increase my faith.

And I ask You, Lord, please give every person reading this right now greater faith as we become more wholly Yours.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His

All Stirred Up

Anxiety stirs. Ever since news of a sexual assault at gunpoint in a neighbor’s backyard last week, something in me just won’t settle. Or is it news that one more of my favorite companies openly declared its support of same-sex marriage? The world shrinks. The back yard is no longer safe. There’s one more business I won’t support, one more option off the table. Perhaps it’s the heartbreak I can’t shake for my daughter who doesn’t understand why her friend isn’t playing with her anymore. Or the unresolved issue with another child who isn’t hearing. Then of course there are the piles of paper mocking me from the top of my desk, stalking me with the worry of unfinished business. Uneasiness plagues me. Hormones mix it up worse. Peace escapes me. All I can manage before running out the door at 8 a.m. to begin a day full of meetings and errands is twenty minutes to dump the craziness in my head and the heaviness of my heart on to the lines of the page where my eyes witness the cry of my heart to my God who just has to hear me. A knot forms in my throat several times. I swallow it. No time for tears.

I drop my daughter off at class and head to my first appointment. “Lord, please, you just have to give me a scripture to stand on today, a verse to which I can train my thoughts when these same concerns cycle through my head again and again.” The one about being anxious over nothing comes to mind. I search anxious in the Bible app on my phone. Found it! Philippians 4:6: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.” A glimpse of relief peeks back at me. I wonder what the previous verses say. I read them. “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (verse four). Rejoice??? Really??? And it’s exclamatory, not just a casual suggestion. “How do I rejoice, Lord, when all I want to do is cry? I don’t feel like rejoicing, but it’s right here in Your word, before you tell me to be anxious over nothing.” As if it’s a prerequisite to peace. I’m desperate. I obey. Not because I feel like it, but because I want the peace so badly. I want to do this His way. Thankful that onlookers would likely assume I was engaged in a passionate cell phone conversation via Bluetooth, I declared firmly and loudly: “I rejoice in You, Lord, that You are creator and ruler of this universe! I rejoice in You, Lord, that none of my struggles are a surprise to You! Lord, I rejoice in You that You are not caught off guard by any of this! I rejoice in You that You know all things and are all powerful. I rejoice in You that You will give me the information I need when I need it. I rejoice in You that You will accomplish Your purpose and Your plan in all things.  I rejoice in You, Lord, that where I am lacking, You will complete the work You started in me and my children.” I look up rejoice in the Greek. It means to be exceedingly glad in the Lord. I focus my attention on my God – on those things about Him for which I am exceedingly glad – and my concerns begin to ease. In light of the bigness of my God, my worries become a bit smaller.

I keep reading. “Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand” (verse five). That’s odd. Sort of stuck there. There has to be a reason. What is it Lord? Maybe the Greek holds clues that will unlock its significance. It’s talking about my behavior. Maybe even my disposition. Any and all people who see me in my private life, my church life, my business life, at Bible study, with my friends, in public. What do they see? What is made known to them? What knowledge do they gain about me or perceive? Gentleness?  Is my behavior suitable? Equitable and fair? Mild? What about when I’m stressed and anxious, like I have been this week? Am I the same person in all places and in all circumstances? There really isn’t a private life, is there? The verse says so. “The Lord is at hand.” Both physically and in time. My Messiah and Lord Jesus Christ is positioned right near me. He is right here. Always. Sunday, when I snap at my husband in front of church. He is near. He and anyone looking saw. Gentleness is not what was known. Oh to be able to hide my face! It also implies I have near access to God. In those stressful moments when I’m not myself, He is right there. And He is soon to come. When He does, how will He find me? Even if I’m stressed? The key is in the rejoicing. If I am exceedingly glad, there is no room to be exceedingly anxious, and I can be exceedingly gentle. Lord, I will practice rejoicing!

Reading on, I come back to “Be anxious for nothing.“ I repeat it. Again and again. Just to be sure I get it. It means do not be troubled with cares over anything. Do not seek or promote my own interest in anything. That sheds some light. Is that the source of my anxiety? Seeking my own interest in all these things? It hits me. Truth. Do not be troubled, Shauna, or seek your own interest  for your daughter and her friendships. Do not be troubled or seek your own interest for the piles on your desk. Do not be troubled, Shauna, or seek your own interest with regards to danger that lurks around you. Do not be troubled or seek your own interest with regards to shopping your values and if it will one day mean not shopping at all. Even for food. (Yes, my mind does go that far to the extreme very fast!) Be anxious not over your hormones. Be anxious not. Period. And the next word is but. Really, it’s saying rather or instead. “But in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” (verse six). So instead of troubling myself and seeking my own interest, practice thanksgiving. Address God with my needs and wants – seeking and asking – AFTER giving thanks! Give thanks first. Rejoice and give thanks. Then I will be anxious over nothing. I can’t be thankful and full of fear at the same time. I can’t  be exceedingly glad and uneasy at the same time. We have to do something instead of worrying. Instead of fretting. Rejoice and give thanks!

The result? Peace! It’s the very thing that drove me to God for a verse on which to train my mind. “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (verse seven). That’s exactly what I need!!! I need your peace. My heart and mind need guarding. Lord, I will do this. I will rejoice. I will give thanks. Starting now. Thank You, Lord, for Your word. For this very specific word. Thank You that it is alive and active, right now, for me. I need it so desperately. Thank You for being at work in and through me, even when it’s uncomfortable. Thank You that You will work all of this together for good. Thank You for the opportunity to learn more about You, Your truth, Your ways. Thank You.

And His peace does as He says as I move from appointments to errands. Anxious thoughts threaten. They are met by the word of God. They are met with rejoicing. With thanksgiving. And the peace goes deeper. On my way home, I think about the last words of the verses God gave me. Yes, I feel like they were just at the very moment I needed them. The last three words register: Through Christ Jesus. It all happens through Christ Jesus. It is only possible because He makes it possible. It is only possible for me because He saved me and I am in Him. Through Him, I rejoice. Through Him, I give thanks. Through Him, I make my requests known to God. Through Him, I can experience peace that passes understanding. Through Him, that peace will guard my heart. My burdened heart. Through Him, that peace will guard my mind. Everything is through Him. Salvation. Hope. Healing. Help.

Pulling into my neighborhood, finally done with all my running around, I vent to my sister. I need prayer. She listens. She affirms. I share the scripture the Lord gave me. She emphasizes thanksgiving. Regarding my heartbreak for my daughter and her friend dilemma, she encourages me, “You can thank Him for what you can learn from this and what Elly can learn. For the ways you can train her in the ways of the Lord through this.” Thank you, Lord. “And you can thank Him for using it to turn her heart toward her family.” Thank you, Lord. “And you can thank Him for using this as a way for her big sisters to be a good friend to her.” Thank you, Lord. Thank you for my sister. Thank you for the truth she speaks in love.

This morning, she emails me a prayer. One that pierces my burdened heart with hope. One that pierces my concerns with what matters most to God.

My prayer is that this will be a time for you all to be filled with God’s grace and peace.  I pray that you can be the gospel to your family and friends. That you will love them selflessly.  Thank you Lord for these times that you refine us and remind us that you are the ONLY one we can rely on. Please cause their hearts to turn to you and trust you in everything. 

When the devil stirs it up and steals your peace, resist! Rejoice! Give thanks! Repeat as necessary. Stir things up in the Lord. Be anxious for nothing. And may the peace of God which surpasses all understanding guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus as you become wholly His today.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His