All Stirred Up

Anxiety stirs. Ever since news of a sexual assault at gunpoint in a neighbor’s backyard last week, something in me just won’t settle. Or is it news that one more of my favorite companies openly declared its support of same-sex marriage? The world shrinks. The back yard is no longer safe. There’s one more business I won’t support, one more option off the table. Perhaps it’s the heartbreak I can’t shake for my daughter who doesn’t understand why her friend isn’t playing with her anymore. Or the unresolved issue with another child who isn’t hearing. Then of course there are the piles of paper mocking me from the top of my desk, stalking me with the worry of unfinished business. Uneasiness plagues me. Hormones mix it up worse. Peace escapes me. All I can manage before running out the door at 8 a.m. to begin a day full of meetings and errands is twenty minutes to dump the craziness in my head and the heaviness of my heart on to the lines of the page where my eyes witness the cry of my heart to my God who just has to hear me. A knot forms in my throat several times. I swallow it. No time for tears.

I drop my daughter off at class and head to my first appointment. “Lord, please, you just have to give me a scripture to stand on today, a verse to which I can train my thoughts when these same concerns cycle through my head again and again.” The one about being anxious over nothing comes to mind. I search anxious in the Bible app on my phone. Found it! Philippians 4:6: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.” A glimpse of relief peeks back at me. I wonder what the previous verses say. I read them. “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (verse four). Rejoice??? Really??? And it’s exclamatory, not just a casual suggestion. “How do I rejoice, Lord, when all I want to do is cry? I don’t feel like rejoicing, but it’s right here in Your word, before you tell me to be anxious over nothing.” As if it’s a prerequisite to peace. I’m desperate. I obey. Not because I feel like it, but because I want the peace so badly. I want to do this His way. Thankful that onlookers would likely assume I was engaged in a passionate cell phone conversation via Bluetooth, I declared firmly and loudly: “I rejoice in You, Lord, that You are creator and ruler of this universe! I rejoice in You, Lord, that none of my struggles are a surprise to You! Lord, I rejoice in You that You are not caught off guard by any of this! I rejoice in You that You know all things and are all powerful. I rejoice in You that You will give me the information I need when I need it. I rejoice in You that You will accomplish Your purpose and Your plan in all things.  I rejoice in You, Lord, that where I am lacking, You will complete the work You started in me and my children.” I look up rejoice in the Greek. It means to be exceedingly glad in the Lord. I focus my attention on my God – on those things about Him for which I am exceedingly glad – and my concerns begin to ease. In light of the bigness of my God, my worries become a bit smaller.

I keep reading. “Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand” (verse five). That’s odd. Sort of stuck there. There has to be a reason. What is it Lord? Maybe the Greek holds clues that will unlock its significance. It’s talking about my behavior. Maybe even my disposition. Any and all people who see me in my private life, my church life, my business life, at Bible study, with my friends, in public. What do they see? What is made known to them? What knowledge do they gain about me or perceive? Gentleness?  Is my behavior suitable? Equitable and fair? Mild? What about when I’m stressed and anxious, like I have been this week? Am I the same person in all places and in all circumstances? There really isn’t a private life, is there? The verse says so. “The Lord is at hand.” Both physically and in time. My Messiah and Lord Jesus Christ is positioned right near me. He is right here. Always. Sunday, when I snap at my husband in front of church. He is near. He and anyone looking saw. Gentleness is not what was known. Oh to be able to hide my face! It also implies I have near access to God. In those stressful moments when I’m not myself, He is right there. And He is soon to come. When He does, how will He find me? Even if I’m stressed? The key is in the rejoicing. If I am exceedingly glad, there is no room to be exceedingly anxious, and I can be exceedingly gentle. Lord, I will practice rejoicing!

Reading on, I come back to “Be anxious for nothing.“ I repeat it. Again and again. Just to be sure I get it. It means do not be troubled with cares over anything. Do not seek or promote my own interest in anything. That sheds some light. Is that the source of my anxiety? Seeking my own interest in all these things? It hits me. Truth. Do not be troubled, Shauna, or seek your own interest  for your daughter and her friendships. Do not be troubled or seek your own interest for the piles on your desk. Do not be troubled, Shauna, or seek your own interest with regards to danger that lurks around you. Do not be troubled or seek your own interest with regards to shopping your values and if it will one day mean not shopping at all. Even for food. (Yes, my mind does go that far to the extreme very fast!) Be anxious not over your hormones. Be anxious not. Period. And the next word is but. Really, it’s saying rather or instead. “But in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” (verse six). So instead of troubling myself and seeking my own interest, practice thanksgiving. Address God with my needs and wants – seeking and asking – AFTER giving thanks! Give thanks first. Rejoice and give thanks. Then I will be anxious over nothing. I can’t be thankful and full of fear at the same time. I can’t  be exceedingly glad and uneasy at the same time. We have to do something instead of worrying. Instead of fretting. Rejoice and give thanks!

The result? Peace! It’s the very thing that drove me to God for a verse on which to train my mind. “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (verse seven). That’s exactly what I need!!! I need your peace. My heart and mind need guarding. Lord, I will do this. I will rejoice. I will give thanks. Starting now. Thank You, Lord, for Your word. For this very specific word. Thank You that it is alive and active, right now, for me. I need it so desperately. Thank You for being at work in and through me, even when it’s uncomfortable. Thank You that You will work all of this together for good. Thank You for the opportunity to learn more about You, Your truth, Your ways. Thank You.

And His peace does as He says as I move from appointments to errands. Anxious thoughts threaten. They are met by the word of God. They are met with rejoicing. With thanksgiving. And the peace goes deeper. On my way home, I think about the last words of the verses God gave me. Yes, I feel like they were just at the very moment I needed them. The last three words register: Through Christ Jesus. It all happens through Christ Jesus. It is only possible because He makes it possible. It is only possible for me because He saved me and I am in Him. Through Him, I rejoice. Through Him, I give thanks. Through Him, I make my requests known to God. Through Him, I can experience peace that passes understanding. Through Him, that peace will guard my heart. My burdened heart. Through Him, that peace will guard my mind. Everything is through Him. Salvation. Hope. Healing. Help.

Pulling into my neighborhood, finally done with all my running around, I vent to my sister. I need prayer. She listens. She affirms. I share the scripture the Lord gave me. She emphasizes thanksgiving. Regarding my heartbreak for my daughter and her friend dilemma, she encourages me, “You can thank Him for what you can learn from this and what Elly can learn. For the ways you can train her in the ways of the Lord through this.” Thank you, Lord. “And you can thank Him for using it to turn her heart toward her family.” Thank you, Lord. “And you can thank Him for using this as a way for her big sisters to be a good friend to her.” Thank you, Lord. Thank you for my sister. Thank you for the truth she speaks in love.

This morning, she emails me a prayer. One that pierces my burdened heart with hope. One that pierces my concerns with what matters most to God.

My prayer is that this will be a time for you all to be filled with God’s grace and peace.  I pray that you can be the gospel to your family and friends. That you will love them selflessly.  Thank you Lord for these times that you refine us and remind us that you are the ONLY one we can rely on. Please cause their hearts to turn to you and trust you in everything. 

When the devil stirs it up and steals your peace, resist! Rejoice! Give thanks! Repeat as necessary. Stir things up in the Lord. Be anxious for nothing. And may the peace of God which surpasses all understanding guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus as you become wholly His today.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His

Making Faces

A slight turn of the lips. No, that won’t do. What if I tilt my head slightly to the right? Nope. Too posed. And my nose! It looks like an arrowhead planted in the middle of my face! Maybe if I laugh. A most unnatural attempt produces a most unnatural smile. It’s no use! I just can’t get the perfect smile to do the trick. It’s for the photo on the back of my book, Holy His: Hope for a Life and a Nation Wholly His. I want my smile to be candid, not posed, so I’m practicing in the mirror. Only the faces I’m making now no longer include a smile. I imagine the fly on our wall, laughing hysterically at the a grown woman making faces at herself in the mirror. It must be one of the world’s most well-entertained flies, I ponder, as I picture it watching a certain grown man I know strike muscle man poses in the bathroom mirror. Now that produces a natural smile! Countless undetected moments of secretly observing a child experimenting with expressions in a mirror spring up next. And I’m reminded of the faces my daughters and I captured on the computer avoiding school work one day. With a click, we could completely alter our image. And I think of the different faces we put on in our lives. The faces we wear so no one will know the real us. The faces we don so no one will know we’re hurting. Or flawed. The faces we wear to hide our shortcomings and struggles. The faces we put on in church so we think we will be accepted by all the flawless people who must not have any of the problems we have. The masks that isolate us, lie to us, and keep us right where the devil can mess with our heads.  

I once heard someone say never to compare our insides to another person’s outsides. It’s a trap, and we’ll always come up wanting. Don’t we all do it, though? We wear masks, and then we compare what we see and think of ourselves – our inside, private thoughts, attitudes of the heart, habitual sins, shortcomings, secrets – to the mask someone else secures to hide the very same things in their lives. And we walk around lying to each other. Not intentionally or maliciously. We’re just not telling the whole truth. Not that every detail is everyone’s business. But hiding who we really are, what we really are like, the things with which we struggle, the things someone needs to know about so we can be held accountable, the things we need to share so others can pray for us and help us, is really withholding truth.

Maybe it’s just me, but I confess, I fall into this trap. There was a time in my life when I lived there, and it was exhausting, oppressive, lonely, and desperate. I was terrified that someone would know the truth about me, and when they did, they would no longer accept me. So I wore the mask of perfection. My home was perfect. My hair was perfect. My clothes were perfect. My face was perfect. My job performance was perfect. I could be absolutely dying inside, marriage falling apart, failing my children, depressed, insecure, and unraveling, and I would flash a posed smile and tell you everything was great. It was miserable. And if I stumble into this old skin now, it’s unbearable.

It’s another way God’s truth set me free, and still does today. Proverbs 29:25 says, “The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.” The New Living Translation puts it like this: “Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety.” When I start faking it, you can be sure of several things: 1) There’s an area of my life that’s disappointing me, and it’s most likely an area of sin, 2) I don’t want you to know about it, 3) I don’t even want God to know about it, and 4) I am looking to others to accept and affirm me as okay so I don’t have to deal with it. So I put on my mask of perfection, seeking man’s recognition rather than trusting the Lord. I neglect time before the Lord in order to make my outsides lovely, when what I really need is time on my face before Him so He can make my insides lovely again. I’m worshipping the wrong god. Seeking the wrong approval. Fearing the outcome. Trying to find acceptance in what the world says brings happiness rather than trusting God to be who He says He is to me. Always. Even when I’m having a bad day. Or a bad week. Or a bad season. Trusting Him to mean it when He says He is slow to anger and quick to forgive, that His mercy endures forever, that His love for me is deep and wide, His salvation eternal, His forgiveness complete. That Christ’s righteousness credited to me is not  based on my performance or lack thereof.

When we find ourselves ensnared, Lord, how do we break free? Proverbs 29:25 answers: “Whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.” Place your confidence in the Lord, Shauna, be boldly secure in Him, and you will be inaccessibly high – too high for capture. That’s what it means in Hebrew. When my trust is in Him, I can’t be ensnared. I’m out of reach. I’m safe. Even from my own traps. What does this look like? I look in the mirror. An extra seven pounds changes the way my clothes fit. Thoughts of disappointment over my imperfect body begin to stir. If I’m not a perfect size four, people won’t think the same of me. The familiar pattern lurks, ready to tighten the chains. But God’s grace doesn’t let go. Doesn’t disappoint. The same grace by which I am saved through faith turns my eyes from the mirror to Him. It’s You, Lord, I want to satisfy me. Time ticks as I try on another outfit, holding out for the ideal combination that will make me look and feel good. The extra time allotted for the Lord shrinks with every change of clothes. Compulsion threatens. But God’s grace doesn’t let go. Doesn’t disappoint. His grace turns my eyes from the mirror to Him. Time with You, Lord, is more important. Whatever I wear matters not compared to what I need You to do in me today. The perfect hairdo becomes a ponytail so I can have time in the word. I allow the women at the brand new church we’re attending to pray for me when I miscarry, sobbing under their loving touch when I’d rather put on the “I’m doing fine” face and run and hide. It’s sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly in order to encourage another, when I’d really rather no one know. It’s trusting God as THE SOURCE of all I need.

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with looking good, exercising to stay fit and healthy, aging gracefully, having clear skin, pretty hair, nice clothes, etc. But when I’m spending more time and energy on that than I am with the Lord, there’s a problem. When I’m hiding struggles and faking fabulous, there’s a problem. It’s time to trust in the Lord.

Trusting God comes when we love God. Loving God comes when we become acutely aware of His grace. Of our complete ineptitude. Of our inability to do one thing to put ourselves in His grace. Of His gift. Undeserved. Of the fact that He seeks us out. He saves us. He sets us free. We don’t do anything to earn it. We can’t. And it’s clear. He is trustworthy. “So we can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper;  I will not fear; what can man do to me?’” (Heb. 13:6).

Let’s be real. With God. With each other. Let’s trust Him so we can be genuine with one another. It’s a risk. No one likes to be vulnerable. But He won’t let us down. Even if another person does, He won’t.

A simple verse keeps coming to mind. “Let your ‘yes’ be yes and your ‘no’ be no” (James 5:12). Be who you say you are. Be who He says you are. Be real, in Him. With Him. Because of Him. For Him. That He may be glorified.

Thank you, Lord, that “we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord” (2 Cor. 3:18).

Humbled by His grace, longing to be more wholly His,

Shauna Wallace

Holy His

His Face, His Good

Fumes waft thick in my nostrils. Every possession my husband and I could possibly pack into our master bedroom closet forms a teetering mountain on our dining room table. Whatever didn’t fall into the category of hanging clothes occupies every other available square inch under and around. As I strain to focus on writing with my fume-fogged mind, I see the mound of chaos out of the corner of my eye, and I can’t wait to restore order to my home! The glamour of replacing well-worn (a.k.a. embarrassingly soiled) carpet with wood floors alludes this “everything in its place” kind of gal. It’s driving me crazy! I dread the overwhelming prospect of actually putting everything back, but the light at the end of the tunnel begs me to hang on. It promises a perfect ending to the disorder. I just have to survive the meantime…the time of waiting for what I know will make everything better. My hope is in regaining a neat and orderly home. It’s silly, isn’t it? I’m glad to say, by God’s grace, disorder doesn’t steal my joy to the same degree it did in the past. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait for things to be put back the way they were. But it’s not stealing my joy. Mind you, this is a simple thing. Silly and a bit trivial, really. Many times, though, we’re waiting for resolution for things that aren’t that simple. Maybe they’re even life altering or life threatening. What do we do then?

IRREVOCABLE TRUTH #7: Seek His face, not an outcome. When we face challenging times, it’s so easy to put our faith in our idea of what the answer must be. We get sick, and we set our eyes on being made well. Our husband loses his job, and we put our faith in the new job that just has to be right around the corner. We receive bad news, and we put our faith in what we determine will make it better. Naturally, we set our eyes on a particular conclusion, and when it doesn’t become a reality, we question God. Or maybe we expect nothing from God so we won’t be disappointed. Perhaps we chalk everything up to His sovereignty, and we passively resign ourselves to the position of door mat. What I’m saying might be ruffling some feathers, so hear me out. I’m not saying we shouldn’t ask for a particular outcome and have faith in His power to bring that about. I’m not saying we don’t claim His promises for ourselves, asking in faith and believing we will receive. I’m not saying that we deny the sovereignty of God, ever. What I am saying is that we set our focus on the only real answer, and that is God Himself. Not what He can do. Not what He can cause. Not what He can solve. He is more than able. But as Psalm 27:7-9 says, “Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice! Have mercy also upon me, and answer me. When You said, “Seek My face,” my heart said to You, “Your face, Lord, I will seek.” Do not hide Your face from me; do not turn Your servant away in anger; You have been my help; do not leave me nor forsake me, O God of my salvation” (emphasis mine). He IS the answer. He IS our great reward. He IS our salvation. Him and Him alone. And if He never does another thing for us, that is enough.

When His face is all we seek, we will always have what we need. How many times do we fall into the trap of waiting for something to meet our expectations because then we’ll be happy? As soon as I’m a comfortable size 4 again, then I’ll be happy! When my face clears up and my skin looks like that of a porcelain doll, then I’ll be satisfied. When my husband knows exactly how to make me feel better without me saying a word, then everything will be okay. When my children do what I ask the first time every time, then life will be good. When there’s always more money in the checkbook than we need at the end of the month, then we will have arrived. Don’t we all have “when…then” scenarios? In the meantime, we wait discontentedly with our unmet expectations, and we miss out on God’s face and grace in the now. When we are seeking His face and His face only, we will be in a constant state of satisfaction, and many times, we’ll find ourselves amazed that the Lord is working everything else out better than we could have asked or imagined. It really is true what Jesus says in Matthew 6:33, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”

IRREVOCABLE TRUTH #8: When He works all things together for good, His good is to conform us to the image of Christ. Romans 8:28 has to be one of the all-time most quoted scriptures. Why wouldn’t it be? It tells us, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” For years, my understanding (which we now know is a dangerous thing!) of good was whatever I determined was a good solution to my dilemma. Challenged with a miserable marriage, I would imagine good as the perfect marriage. Facing financial problems, I would imagine good as the absence of money issues (namely, shortages!). Facing insecurity, I would imagine good as unshakable self-confidence. Facing unpleasant tasks, I would imagine good as the absence of burdensome responsibilities. Facing issues with my body image, I would imagine good as finally attaining the perfect figure without effort or restrictions to my diet. I think you get the picture. One day, God flipped on a light in my head and the scales fell from my eyes when I read Romans 8:29, “For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.” God’s good isn’t necessarily going to line up with my idea of good. His good is always going to be that I be more like Jesus, and just as Jesus learned obedience through suffering, so do we.

When we call on His name, He answers. It may not be the answer we desire or expect, but it will be for our good and for the advancement of His purpose and His kingdom. Are we willing for things to go wrong in our lives in order for them to go right for God?

Psalm 17:15 says, “As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.” Lord, let that be my measure of satisfaction today and always. I seek Your face, and Your face alone, trusting that You are working everything together to conform me to the image of Christ. And that is my source of satisfaction.

Seeking His face to become more wholly His today,

Shauna Wallace

Holy His