That Sweet, Secret Place

Surely no one will see me. I’ll just run in, grab the three items the kids couldn’t find, and run out. My face looked like a war zone after an emergency facial in my never-ending quest to achieve perfect skin! No makeup. Nothing to conceal the things I don’t want anyone to see. In I rush. First aisle. Clear! Then it happens.“Oh, H-i-i-i-i-i-i…” It’s a mom from my kids’ Monday co-op. Next aisle. “Oh, H-i-i-i-i-i-i…” It’s one of our customers. We commiserate on the canned vegetable aisle together. She just got her face waxed and didn’t expect to see anyone either. Wait. Here comes someone I’ve met at several women’s events at our church. “Oh, H-i-i-i-i-i-i…” And then there was the lady I met at a birthday party a few weeks ago. So much for getting in and out under the radar! My plan was to see no one and be unseen. God’s plan was totally different. My cohort on the canned vegetable aisle happened to be on the phone with her daughter when we spotted each other. Her daughter who recently miscarried at eight weeks. “I just went through that too,” I share. Coincidence? Not a chance. “Why?” we ponder. The answer? God is faithful. “Why?” my hairdresser asked me only an hour earlier. The answer? God is faithful. Today’s post concludes this series on God’s faithfulness with the last two of ten irrevocable truths He’s shown me in a year flanked and filled with disappointment and doubt. And the overwhelming conclusion at which I’ve arrived is this: God is faithful. God can be trusted. He is good, and we can believe He will work everything, even years like yours and mine, together to make us more like Christ. Thank You, Lord. Your grace truly is sufficient. 

IRREVOCABLE TRUTH #9: God does things to show Himself mighty so others will know He is God. In my forthcoming book, Holy His: Hope for a Life and a Nation Wholly His, the chapter “Irrevocable Love: on Understanding Covenant” contains my favorite confirmation of this truth. Here’s an excerpt:

After the Israelites are in bondage in Egypt four hundred years, the Lord calls Moses to go to Pharaoh and command him to let the Israelites go. His first attempt is met with complete defiance, and in Exodus chapter six, the Lord assures Moses that He will deliver His people. Moses tells the Israelites about God’s promises, but they do not believe Moses “because of anguish of spirit and cruel bondage” (Ex. 6:9). Despite their stiff necks, God is still faithful! The Lord has Moses go back to Pharaoh eight more times, and every time the Lord hardens Pharaoh’s heart (Ex. 7:3). It must have looked as if the Lord was setting Moses up for failure! How do we respond when it seems like the Lord has set us up for failure, when things aren’t going our way, and we’re in aguish and distress? No matter how it looks, we have to learn to trust God’s sovereignty and faithfulness.

Even though the Israelites didn’t know it and couldn’t see it, the Lord had a purpose so much greater than their freedom. In Exodus 7:3-5, God explains His plan to Moses:

And I will harden Pharaoh’s heart, and multiply My signs and My wonders in the land of Egypt. But Pharaoh will not heed you, so that I may lay My hand on Egypt and bring My armies and My people, the children of Israel, out of the land of Egypt by great judgments. And the Egyptians shall know that I am the Lord when I stretch out My hand on Egypt and bring out the children of Israel from among them (emphasis mine).

You see, it’s not all about us! When we are in a time of waiting for the manifestation of a promise or the satisfaction of a Godly desire, we absolutely must look beyond our personal discomfort, disappointment, hurt, fear, sadness, and longing and look to the Lord our sovereign King whose ways are not our ways, whose thoughts are not our thoughts, and who likely has a plan so much bigger and beyond us than we can imagine.

Are we willing to let God use us for a greater purpose? Are we willing to let God use our suffering for the salvation of another? Are we willing to let God use our tragedy as a way to show His mighty power and the depth of His grace and mercy and love and deliverance for ANOTHER???? Are we willing to remain obedient even when it doesn’t appear to be “paying off?” Are we willing to be holy as He is holy no matter the cost and even when there doesn’t seem to be anything in it for us? Isn’t that what Jesus did for us?

Later, in Exodus 10:1-2, the Lord tells Moses: “Go in to Pharaoh; for I have hardened his heart and the hearts of his servants, that I may show these signs of Mine before him, and that you may tell in the hearing of your son and your son’s son the mighty things I have done in Egypt, and My signs which I have done among them, that you may know that I am the Lord.” There had to be much frustration, suffering, and sorrow as the result of God hardening Pharaoh’s heart. It’s hard to understand that from our perspective. But God clearly answers with scripture: He does things we may not understand in order that we may know He is God, our children and their children may know He is God, and others may know He is God.

IRREVOCABLE TRUTH #10: Our part is to dwell in the secret place of God Most High, a branch clinging to the vine. At the breakfast table with my two amazing friends last week, we talked of God’s goodness and the power of His word, and one friend shared the revelation God gave her about Psalm 91, one of my favorite Psalms of promise and assurance of God’s protection and deliverance. The very first verse states, “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty,” and then verses two through sixteen chronicle the protection, deliverance, and blessing to those who dwell there. In order to experience verses two through sixteen, we must dwell in that secret place! As we talked, I remembered an explanation I read that week about John 15, and the two connected. The secret place of Psalm 91 is the vine of John 15:1-10. Jesus is the vine and we are the branches, and we are to abide in Him. Jesus uses the word abide eight times to stress that we are to remain in Him, to be held and kept continually, to remain as one with Him. And to wait. We simply must cling to the vine, and the vine does everything else: it nourishes, and it provides the ability to produce fruit. As we as branches abide in Christ, in the secret place of the Most High, He produces what He desires in and through us. Sometimes clinging is hanging on for dear life, as I did this last year. Sometimes clinging is grasping the vine with arms raised high because there’s no other way to express our love and praise for Him. Sometimes clinging is the discipline of studying God’s word and spending time in prayer when we’re in between the valley and the mountaintop. Any time, it’s remaining in a place of absolute surrender, seeking His face, spending time in His presence, resting in His peace, studying His word, and by His grace, doing each next thing He puts in front of us.

Yesterday, chaos morphed to order as the painters left their finishing touches on baseboards and my husband transformed our children into a lean, mean, assembly machine. I wasn’t home to witness this first hand, but knowing my husband and family as I do, I have a pretty good mental picture of the likely scene. Pack mules at the hand of their master, our girls lugged every bit of our closet contents from the dining room to their rightful home while dad and son hauled furniture from the back porch to the bedroom. Pulling back the covers last night, my bed relocated from an upstairs bedroom back to the master suite, newly finished wood floors beneath my feet, I breathed a sigh of thankful relief. We made it! Not just through the wood floors, but through the year.

Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness.

Praying that we all, by His grace, are more wholly His today.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His

His Face, His Good

Fumes waft thick in my nostrils. Every possession my husband and I could possibly pack into our master bedroom closet forms a teetering mountain on our dining room table. Whatever didn’t fall into the category of hanging clothes occupies every other available square inch under and around. As I strain to focus on writing with my fume-fogged mind, I see the mound of chaos out of the corner of my eye, and I can’t wait to restore order to my home! The glamour of replacing well-worn (a.k.a. embarrassingly soiled) carpet with wood floors alludes this “everything in its place” kind of gal. It’s driving me crazy! I dread the overwhelming prospect of actually putting everything back, but the light at the end of the tunnel begs me to hang on. It promises a perfect ending to the disorder. I just have to survive the meantime…the time of waiting for what I know will make everything better. My hope is in regaining a neat and orderly home. It’s silly, isn’t it? I’m glad to say, by God’s grace, disorder doesn’t steal my joy to the same degree it did in the past. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait for things to be put back the way they were. But it’s not stealing my joy. Mind you, this is a simple thing. Silly and a bit trivial, really. Many times, though, we’re waiting for resolution for things that aren’t that simple. Maybe they’re even life altering or life threatening. What do we do then?

IRREVOCABLE TRUTH #7: Seek His face, not an outcome. When we face challenging times, it’s so easy to put our faith in our idea of what the answer must be. We get sick, and we set our eyes on being made well. Our husband loses his job, and we put our faith in the new job that just has to be right around the corner. We receive bad news, and we put our faith in what we determine will make it better. Naturally, we set our eyes on a particular conclusion, and when it doesn’t become a reality, we question God. Or maybe we expect nothing from God so we won’t be disappointed. Perhaps we chalk everything up to His sovereignty, and we passively resign ourselves to the position of door mat. What I’m saying might be ruffling some feathers, so hear me out. I’m not saying we shouldn’t ask for a particular outcome and have faith in His power to bring that about. I’m not saying we don’t claim His promises for ourselves, asking in faith and believing we will receive. I’m not saying that we deny the sovereignty of God, ever. What I am saying is that we set our focus on the only real answer, and that is God Himself. Not what He can do. Not what He can cause. Not what He can solve. He is more than able. But as Psalm 27:7-9 says, “Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice! Have mercy also upon me, and answer me. When You said, “Seek My face,” my heart said to You, “Your face, Lord, I will seek.” Do not hide Your face from me; do not turn Your servant away in anger; You have been my help; do not leave me nor forsake me, O God of my salvation” (emphasis mine). He IS the answer. He IS our great reward. He IS our salvation. Him and Him alone. And if He never does another thing for us, that is enough.

When His face is all we seek, we will always have what we need. How many times do we fall into the trap of waiting for something to meet our expectations because then we’ll be happy? As soon as I’m a comfortable size 4 again, then I’ll be happy! When my face clears up and my skin looks like that of a porcelain doll, then I’ll be satisfied. When my husband knows exactly how to make me feel better without me saying a word, then everything will be okay. When my children do what I ask the first time every time, then life will be good. When there’s always more money in the checkbook than we need at the end of the month, then we will have arrived. Don’t we all have “when…then” scenarios? In the meantime, we wait discontentedly with our unmet expectations, and we miss out on God’s face and grace in the now. When we are seeking His face and His face only, we will be in a constant state of satisfaction, and many times, we’ll find ourselves amazed that the Lord is working everything else out better than we could have asked or imagined. It really is true what Jesus says in Matthew 6:33, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”

IRREVOCABLE TRUTH #8: When He works all things together for good, His good is to conform us to the image of Christ. Romans 8:28 has to be one of the all-time most quoted scriptures. Why wouldn’t it be? It tells us, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” For years, my understanding (which we now know is a dangerous thing!) of good was whatever I determined was a good solution to my dilemma. Challenged with a miserable marriage, I would imagine good as the perfect marriage. Facing financial problems, I would imagine good as the absence of money issues (namely, shortages!). Facing insecurity, I would imagine good as unshakable self-confidence. Facing unpleasant tasks, I would imagine good as the absence of burdensome responsibilities. Facing issues with my body image, I would imagine good as finally attaining the perfect figure without effort or restrictions to my diet. I think you get the picture. One day, God flipped on a light in my head and the scales fell from my eyes when I read Romans 8:29, “For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.” God’s good isn’t necessarily going to line up with my idea of good. His good is always going to be that I be more like Jesus, and just as Jesus learned obedience through suffering, so do we.

When we call on His name, He answers. It may not be the answer we desire or expect, but it will be for our good and for the advancement of His purpose and His kingdom. Are we willing for things to go wrong in our lives in order for them to go right for God?

Psalm 17:15 says, “As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.” Lord, let that be my measure of satisfaction today and always. I seek Your face, and Your face alone, trusting that You are working everything together to conform me to the image of Christ. And that is my source of satisfaction.

Seeking His face to become more wholly His today,

Shauna Wallace

Holy His

Maybe the Shoe Is a Hand

I lied. This is not the final post for this series on the faithfulness of God. I simply cannot wrap it up yet. Sitting in church this past Sunday, January 1, 2012, my pastor suggested there might be things about 2011 we would rather forget. “Amen! Don’t you know it!” I shouted in my head. Immediately, the Holy Spirit brought pause to my thoughts: “Really, Shauna? Do you really want to forget?”And you know what? I don’t, and here’s why. If I forget the painful, frustrating, disappointing experiences of the past year, if I simply sweep them under my “let’s not go there” rug, the tender revelations, the faith-altering lessons, and the new depth of my intimate relationship with the Lord also fall victim to the memory erasing broom. In that moment, appreciation welled up within me for the hardships through which He allowed me to see, know, and experience Him in a tangible way. No matter how many shoes drop, I don’t want to forget.

Then yesterday, I sat across the breakfast table from two of the strongest, most beautiful women I know. They have something in common and I wanted them to meet: cancer. Two hours passed like ten minutes. Joy wells up within my heart. I can’t yet articulate my emotions. I’m overwhelmed with the tenderness and power of the God of all creation at work in and through these two sisters in Christ. They shared honestly about chemo and wigs, fear and faith, and the power of the word of God. And the question of why. Sound familiar? I asked that a lot this last year. It was time to go. They exchanged phone numbers, and we said our goodbyes. One friend headed to Houston for treatment, and as is the female way, the two of us who remained carried on in the parking lot. It was then, and in the car as I ran errands and hooked up for lunch with my sister-in-law, that God began to connect thoughts and dots in my head. Thus the extension to my series and two more truths to share today.

IRREVOCABLE TRUTH #5: The real question isn’t why, but how. As we set aside our own understanding, knowing that God’s thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways, there will be things we just aren’t going to understand this side of heaven. Babies are conceived but not delivered. Margins are clear and then cancer reappears. Children die before their parents. A young student commits suicide. A perfect marriage fails. Disaster strikes and suffering overwhelms a family or a nation. A 95-year-old is ready for heaven yet lingers in a degenerating body. Why? Does God allow these things to happen? Does He cause them? These are hard questions. I’ve asked them. And He always leads me back to Him. Who He is, what He says in His word, who I am in Christ, and what He wants from me. And the question changes. It’s no longer why, but how? How, Lord, would you have me walk through this challenge in such a way that You are glorified? How, Lord, do I need to be transformed by the renewing of my mind? How, Lord, can I be useful to You as I walk through this time? Talking in the parking lot, my breakfast buddy shared with me that she got to the point where she simply couldn’t allow herself to ask why any more. Thinking back on this morning’s conversation, she shared about a time when she received her chemo treatments in a large, open room with other cancer patients. Relationships were formed and doors opened to share her faith. People who at first seemed turned off by her faith would return and ask for prayer. That’s a how.

IRREVOCABLE TRUTH #6: In our suffering, we experience the comfort of Christ, in order that we can extend His comfort to others who are suffering. Second Corinthians 1:3-7 says:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same suffering which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation.

I have a whole new appreciation for what it means to suffer a miscarriage. I have experienced the comfort of Christ and can now share that comfort with others. I have experienced the comfort of Christ through a year of back-to-back disappointments. I can now share that comfort with others. My friends can share the comfort of Christ with each other and other cancer patients in a way that I cannot. I guarantee there is theology in the above scripture that is way deeper and beyond the simple truth I am pulling from it. As I read it, I ask myself: Am I willing to suffer that others might experience the comfort of Christ through me? Am I willing to suffer for another’s consolation and salvation? Am I willing to be inconvenienced in order that God may be glorified? Lord, by Your grace, may my answer be “Yes, and amen!”

I did a little research on the origin of the saying waiting for the other shoe to drop. According to www.answers.com (12/29/2011), the phrase means one is “waiting for something bad to happen which you are expecting. It comes from a famous music hall joke about a man who is woken by the drunk upstairs dropping his shoe. He can't get back to sleep because he is waiting for the second crash on the ceiling. Eventually he shouts upstairs ‘For Heaven’s sake, drop the other shoe!’” I propose to you there is no such thing as the proverbial other shoe. There is, however, the hand of God carrying out His perfect will, not just for us, but for all of mankind, for His glory, and for His kingdom purpose. First Peter 5:6-11 tells us:

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

I am no longer looking for a shoe. Only a Hand.

May the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you as you become wholly His.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His

When the Other Shoe Drops...and Another...and Another!

With distended bellies and cheeks sore from laughter, we waddled from the local Italian restaurant. The food was scrumptious; the fellowship even tastier. Our banter continued as we strolled toward James’ truck. Slightly ahead, James stopped dead in his tracks. Clearly perplexed, as if in slow motion, he pivoted toward us as the words spill forth:

“Where’s my truck!?!?”

The reality of the empty parking space answered his question: the truck was stolen. With the police on the phone and our youngest nearing hysterics, we packed ourselves like sardines in our friend’s sedan and headed home. With the police report filed, the house alarm on, fears allayed, and everyone tucked, we headed to bed. At 3 a.m., the police called with good and bad news: They found the truck, but there wasn’t much left of it. That was February.

Fast forward to September. It’s a girl’s night out of the purest kind. Delectable delights only a female would appreciate adorn my dining room table. Racks of fashion skirt the living room and excited chatter fills the air. It’s an evening of shopping at home with my favorite friends! Finally settling down with my plate of food, I look into the kitchen to see my son’s finger summon me. By his urgent expression, I know it’s important. As I enter the kitchen, he moves to the garage door, still beckoning me with the same gesture and somber look. Stepping into the garage, there’s James, sitting in his golf cart, head bent, labored breathing, eyes rolled back. Instantly, my heart sinks to my toes, my head starts to spin, and I think the worst:

“He’s had a stroke!”

Not really wanting to hear the answer, I ask, “What happened?!?!?” “I hurt my leg,” James responds. “Oh praise Jesus! What did you do???” And so the story unfolds. In the face of too much estrogen, he decided to golf. Alone. When alas, he spotted a golf ball. Not just any golf ball...a really, really nice golf ball. Without a second thought, he leapt like a super hero to the top of the wrought iron fence separating him and the ball. That’s when things went wrong. His foot got stuck, and as his body continued over the fence, his knee contorted in ways it never should. Laying on the other side of the fence with the very nice golf ball (which, by the way, he no longer cared much about), he was faced with getting back over the fence to his golf cart, which held his phone, and back home for help. The rest of the evening was spent in the emergency room. One knee surgery and three months of physical therapy later, he has his swing back. Life is good. And I’ll give him $5 any time he wants a new, worthy-of-jumping-a-fence ball.

Two months later, the second line turns pink again. The doctor confirms, but this time I wait to shout it from the mountaintop. At seven weeks, we witness life on the screen and the pounding of the baby’s heartbeat is like music to our ears. “Could we hear that just one more time?” we ask. It’s for real this time. Time to tell the world! And so I do. The following week, things don’t seem right. The doctor wants to see me. Watching the ultrasound screen, my ears hear, and my heart sinks:

“I can’t find a heartbeat.”

I don’t get it Lord! Why a second time? Why do you give life that never sees delivery? What have I done wrong? Is there sin in my life that is opening the door to the devil’s destruction?

What do we do when a split second changes everything? What do we do when we don’t understand the tragedy that strikes? What do we do when our circumstances challenge what we think about God and what His word tells us about Him? Jobsites were vandalized as thieves stripped copper wires from several of our company's homes under construction. The Lord moved us from our church home of eight years. And I questioned. Is my understanding of the scriptures biblically correct? Have I believed without confirming in the word for myself? If I stood on the word but tragedy still came, what did I do wrong? Why didn’t it work? Have I reduced my relationship to a formula by which I try to get what I want from God? And then when it doesn’t work, where does that leave me? If I don’t know that my beliefs are correct, then how do I pray? What is my relationship to You, Lord, if I don’t know what I believe?

In the process of crying out to the Lord for answers, He faithfully showed Himself available. Trustworthy. Holy. Sovereign. Full of mercy. Full of grace. True. When everything around us is unpredictable, unreliable, vulnerable, and changing, He is not. His word is irrevocable. He is unchanging. He can be trusted. He answered my cry, and He secured in my spirit two more irrevocable truths.

IRREVOCABLE TRUTH #3: We will lose heart unless we believe we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Between discovering and losing my second pregnancy, I had one of those sweet encounters with God. My husband and I went out of town for a quick getaway, and while he fished with friends one day, I savored the time to myself. Rising relatively early, I treated myself to my favorite $5 coffee, returned to my room, laid my Bible in my lap, and started talking to God. Suppressed struggles spilled forth as I emptied myself before the Lord. As I fervently explained how desperately I didn’t want to go through the disappointment of losing another baby, He answered with Psalm 27. The closing verses became my prayer:

I will lose heart, Lord, unless I believe I will see Your goodness in the land of the living. I wait on You, Lord; I will be of good courage, and You will strengthen my heart; I will wait on You, Lord!

Things didn’t turn out the way I wanted, yet in the midst of grieving, questioning, railing, and letting go, I saw God’s goodness in the land of the living. I waited on Him, and He strengthened my heart. He confirmed His truth in my innermost being, deep down where no circumstance can argue against it.

IRREVOCABLE TRUTH #4: Do not lean on your own understanding. When I learned I was pregnant the second time, I was convinced it was God’s way of restoring what was lost with my blighted ovum earlier that year. I connected all the dots for Him and topped the whole explanation with a big red bow. When we lost the baby, my understanding unraveled. After letting family and friends know of our loss, my sweet sister-in-law searched the Bible for words of wisdom I would find consoling. The tenderness of her extended hand of comfort was magnified by the fact that she searched what she knew would mean most to me, and she sent me Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Sometimes difficult relationships, unexpected developments, uncomfortable experiences, serious disappointments, and scary circumstances reveal our own misplaced trust and wrong understanding. His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts, so as we desperately cling to Him through life’s twists and turns, our job is to believe His word. To trust. To love. To acknowledge, thank, and praise. No matter what. He WILL direct our paths. Every time, when we wait on Him. If there seems to be an infinite supply of other shoes dropping in your life, hang on to God’s goodness, to the truth of His word, and to His faithfulness. And stay tuned Thursday for the third and final blog in this series: “Maybe the Shoe Is a Hand!”

Happy New Year! May we aspire together to become more wholly His in 2012.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His

When the Shoe Drops

Two pink lines. There they were, plain as day. I must have done something wrong. Let me try that again. Wait, did they turn pink faster that time? Are they actually darker and more pronounced? How could that be? (Don’t answer that, because I really do know.)

Exactly one year ago today, this is the conversation I had with myself standing in my water closet wondering how in the world I was going to let my husband, James, down easy. You see, our oldest of four had just turned twenty-two and our youngest nine. James’ favorite daydream involved some form of us, all by ourselves, traveling and enjoying life while our grown children started families and gave us lots of adorable grandkids. All I could envision was me stabbing his empty nest balloon with a gigantic epidural needle! Trembling with fear, unbelief, and excitement, I held my tongue all day until he came home from work. Apparently, it had not been a good day, but there was no way in the world I could hold my mud for better timing. I invited him to our room, shut the door, asked if he wanted to sit down, and dropped the bomb: “I’m pregnant.” It was the first firework of the New Year! My husband took the news very well. We agreed that if God gave us life, we would embrace it, and then I proceeded to tell everyone we know. My children literally would not believe me, and the most common response from friends and family was, “Is this a joke?” I remember with a smile on my face. In January, we jetted off on our family vacation, and when we returned, I had my first doctor’s appointment. That’s when the shoe dropped.

“There’s no baby.”

The ultrasound screen showed a little sac, but it was empty. I must have looked like a deer in the headlights. My previous pregnancies had been free of complications. The thought had never even entered my mind that this one would be any different. James was waiting for me in the waiting room. All I had to do was pull it together enough to get from the exam room to his arms. And there I fell apart. Convulsing sobs made my speech unintelligible. Even though we weren’t planning to conceive, the moment we learned I was pregnant, that child became a part of our family. Now that child would never be?  I literally couldn’t believe it. We talked, and I looked on the internet and found hundreds of stories of women who had received the same diagnosis of a blighted ovum and later found out the diagnosis was wrong. Filled with hope, we put our faith in God and not in the doctor’s reports. Here are excerpts from an email I sent to friends and family for prayer:

While the doctor expects that I will have a miscarriage, I am waiting on the Lord’s report. God is good, and I am standing in faith that the work He has started in me He will be faithful to complete. I put my faith and trust in Him to show me exactly what’s going on, as He truly is the only one who can know. I found a web site where tons of women have posted their stories about being diagnosed with a blighted ovum and told to come back in a week or two for a D&C. When they did, they had one last ultrasound just to be sure, and there was a baby and a heartbeat. I don’t know what’s going on. The doctor’s can only say what they see with their machines. But the Lord knows, and until He tells me different, I will proceed with this healthy pregnancy. I have hope, because my hope is in the Lord. Several people have texted and emailed me words of encouragement with the same message: We walk by faith, not by sight. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. God is so good, and I will praise His name forever no matter what happens.

This was the beginning of a journey that threatened and strengthened my faith. The doctors never found a baby. But I’m here to tell you, God gave me victory. In the midst of walking through one of the most difficult, heart breaking times I’ve ever experienced, God made Himself and His word alive to me. It’s one thing to hear His truth, but when He makes it real in us, we receive something no man and no doctor and no bad report or rotten circumstance, sickness, or disease can steal away. The irrevocable truths He instilled in me are forever mine, and in His omniscience, He knew I would need them throughout the year. Stick with me on this. I pray you find it worth your time to read a bit longer of a post today.

IRREVOKABLE TRUTH #1: “Your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God” (I Cor. 2:5). We are surrounded by the wisdom of men, referring to human wisdom. We’re full of it ourselves, aren’t we? But no matter what man says, no matter who a man is, the schooling he has, the authority he has, his expertise, position, or place in your life, he is still man, and we are not to put our faith in his wisdom.  No matter what scenario we contrive as the best for us, we are to place our faith in the power of God, not a particular outcome. As I placed my faith in seeing a baby appear on the screen, I wavered in unbelief when it didn’t happen. My faith was misplaced in my own wisdom. When the Lord gently and lovingly redirected my faith to His power, I found myself anchored solidly to Him. No matter what you’re facing, and I know many of you are facing much more devastating circumstances than mine, God’s word never changes. Place your faith in the power of God.

IRREVOKABLE TRUTH #2: Weak faith requires the faith of others to survive. We MUST join our faith together to survive the testing of our faith. I’d like to share the story as I tell it in my book, Holy His: Hope for a Life and a Nation Wholly His, in the chapter titled “Power-Packed Prayer ∼ on Coming Boldly to the Throne”:

I’ve also experienced times of testing when the prayers of others have given me the strength to keep going and made the difference between winning and losing a battle of faith. During the writing of this book, I found myself taking a stand of faith against the reports of doctors who told me I was pregnant, but there was no baby. My family chose to believe the report of the Lord over the reports of the doctors, and it was an unprecedented test of my faith to stand, and then having done all, to stand. Without the prayers of my friends and family, I would have failed. We must hold each other up when we can’t hold up on our own, just as Aaron and Hur do for Moses in Exodus 17:8-13 when Joshua and the Israelites are fighting the Amalekites:

Now Amalek came and fought with Israel in Rephidim. And Moses said to Joshua, “Choose us some men and go out, fight with Amalek. Tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the rod of God in my hand.” So Joshua did as Moses said to him, and fought with Amalek. And Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. And so it was, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed; and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed. But Moses’ hands became heavy; so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it. And Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. So Joshua defeated Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword.

Our battles may not be in fields against enemies with swords, but they are real, intense, and deadly nonetheless. Ephesians 6:12 tells us, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” As we’ve already seen, one of our mightiest weapons is “praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints” (Eph. 6:18). This means seeking, asking, and entreating God for one another! When we do, we are holding each others’ arms up so we can win the battles of faith!

Anchor yourself firmly to the faithfulness of God today. My blighted ovum was the beginning of a year when the other shoe actually did drop. Several times. Maybe you’ve had a year like that. Maybe you, too, lost a baby, or someone close to you received a cancer diagnosis. Or your husband lost his job. Or someone you love died. Or you lost your home in a fire. Or your child is wayward or moving far away. Perhaps you’ve been devastated financially, or your marriage is falling apart. Maybe you face criminal charges and legal troubles. Whatever circumstance you face, I pray you will put your faith in the power of God and allow others to join their faith with yours until victory becomes your reality regardless of your circumstances.

Stay tuned Monday for the second blog in this series on discovering God’s faithfulness in the midst of disappointment: “Where’s my truck?”

May the Lord bless you today as you become wholly His,

Shauna Wallace
Holy His