An Unruly LIttle Bugger

My tongue is an unmanageable adversary, giving me the mightiest of fits in the battle for control. Even James 3:8 clearly establishes the challenge before us: “No man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.” Yet, I believe God’s word that I am more than a conqueror through Him who loves me (Romans 8:37), so I press on in His grace! For His glory. That what He does in me may be evidence of Him. Lord, send Your Holy Spirit to empower us to do what Your word counsels us with regards to our tongues.

Here are the remaining “Ten Steps to a Tame Tongue.”

6.       Trust God, and be honest.

This cuts to the core. Gossip can result when we don’t trust God. When we don’t want to do hard things because we fear people. When we don’t believe His word. When we despise God, not with our intentions, but with our actions. He truly is all we need. Psalm 118:8 stresses, “It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in a man.” When we believe He is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do, we can trust Him. And when we trust Him, we can deal honestly with others. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6). When we do, we can do No. 7.

7.       Do hard things.

Have hard conversations. Go to the source of the information or offense. When God told Samuel the judgment that was coming upon Eli and his sons because Eli didn’t discipline them, Eli didn’t go and discuss it with friends and colleagues. He didn’t share it as a prayer request. He didn’t seek the advice of others. He went directly to Eli and told him exactly what God said (I Samuel 3:8-18). When the Lord sent the prophet Nathan to confront David with his sin with Bathsheba, Nathan didn’t first talk to all his friends or other profits to see what they thought. He didn’t ask for prayer as a cover for gossip. He went directly to David. We need to do the same thing. I realize we’re not prophets delivering a word from God, but we do receive instruction directly from God’s mouth – all scripture is God breathed (from the Greek meaning of 2 Timothy 3:16) – and we are equally as wise to take God’s word directly to heart, and take information directly to the source. When you do, be sure you take the time to let your emotions settle first. Highly charged confrontations rarely end well. Proverbs 16:32 explains, “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.”

8.       Choose counsel carefully.

Sometimes, we will need to talk a situation through with someone else. Just as fear and pride can be the root of gossip, they can distort how we see things. Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to help us see our fear and pride, as Proverbs 13:10 explains, “By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom.” Well-advised being the key. If we do seek the counsel of others, which is biblical, we must be cautious and particular. Is the counsel going to be godly? Is the person going to consult scripture when offering advice? Are they going to pray? Is the person prone to high emotions and knee-jerk reactions? Does the person tend to have a loose tongue? Proverbs 20:19 warns us, “He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets; therefore, do not associate with one who flatters with his lips.” If someone talks to you about others, you can be sure they will talk to others about you. A good first choice is your pastor or someone in a trusted position of leadership in your church. Be extra careful when sharing things with family that will affect the way they may treat the person who is the focus of what you share, especially if you’re struggling with your spouse and what you say may affect how family treats him or her.

9.       Share sparingly.

If it does become necessary to seek godly counsel, many times, details aren’t necessary. Share as generically as you possibly can to get the help you need, and then say no more. Stick to the facts and try to remove your emotions and opinions.

10.   Remember, love covers all sins (Proverbs 10:12).

“He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends” (Proverbs 17:9). This is where the rubber meets the road. God’s love for us through His son Jesus, when we are saved by grace through faith, covers all our sins. If we have received that love and forgiveness, who are we to hold anything against another? The first and greatest commandment is to “love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37), and the second is to “love your neighbor as yourself” Matthew 22:39). Neighbor in this case is any other person! By the power of the Holy Spirit, we are to extend God’s love to every other person around us, no matter who they are and what they’ve done. According to I Corinthians 13:4-8, this means we suffer long and are kind. We do not envy or parade ourselves. We are not puffed up, do not behave rudely, and do not seek our own. We are not provoked, and think no evil. We do not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoice in the truth. We bear all things, believe all things (as in the best in others, not the worst), hope all things, and endure all things. This kind of love never fails. It is the love of Christ. In Christ, it is ours to give.

I pray we will love and let the Holy Spirit convict.

Let us “put away perversity from your mouth, (and) keep corrupt talk far from your lips” (Proverbs 4:24, NIV), for “He who walks with integrity walks securely, but he who perverts his ways will become known” (Proverbs 10:9).

Lord, my prayer for myself and those reading this blog today is Proverbs 21:23, “Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles.” By the power of Your Holy Spirit, equip us to guard our mouths and tongues that we might keep our souls from trouble as we become more wholly Yours today.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His

Fight Fire with Love

As we apply the antidotes for Loose Tongue Syndrome, what do we do when we’re genuinely struggling in a circumstance or a relationship? What do we do when we’re not sure what to do or what to say, yet we genuinely desire to handle things God’s way? Is it okay to seek counsel from a godly friend? Is there any room to talk about it with others who can help us work it out? When is it okay? When does it cross the line?

As we saw Thursday, the second half of Proverbs 11:2 tells us: “But with the humble is wisdom.” When we are modest, reserved, and unassuming – submitted to God, His will, and His ways – we will have the discretion we need to cautiously handle the practical matters of life and relationships.

“That’s all fine and good, Shauna,” you might say. “But what do we DO?!?!?!” Pain is a motivator, and in the weeks following the incident with my family, I talked with God… a lot. I prayed…a lot. I asked God for answers. For specific scriptures. Jotting His answers down, I ended up with “Ten Steps to a Tame Tongue.” It’s sort of like a self-improvement program for the tongue. It’s truth He is instilling in my heart so it will affect my lips. I pray it is a help to you as well.

Here are the first five.

1.       Go to God first.

So many times, when we’re hurt, angry, or perplexed, or even just opinionated about something we’ve heard or learned about another person, the first thing we grab is the phone. If you’re like me, you call the person who will tell you what you want to hear at the moment. We might call any number of people before the thought occurs to talk to God about it, yet He’s the FIRST person we should contact! If we feel the need to gossip, let’s take it to the Lord first, and ask Him about it, following His wisdom in Proverbs 11:13: “A talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.” My first response needs to be to conceal not reveal. When I need to talk, I need to talk to God. If I need to vent, I need to vent to Him first.

2.       Grab the word, instead of the phone.

Find out what scripture says about what troubles you. Psalm 119:105 says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” He will light the way as we hold up His word to the things with which we struggle. Use your Bible’s concordance or an online resources like www.blueletterbible.com or www.biblegateway.com to search for verses that can give you the direction you seek. Ask others which scriptures help them in similar relationships and circumstances (see No. 8 and 9 first; coming Thursday).

3.       Get to the heart of the matter.

Ask yourself: Why am I so upset? Why am I feeling compelled to talk? Taking my eyes off everyone else involved, what is it in me that is reacting so strongly to what’s happened, is happening, or has been reported to me? Is pride rearing its ugly head? Am I afraid? Fear is a terrible distorter. So is pride. Am I hurt? Am I offended? If yes, why? Do I have a right to be hurt or offended? Do I need to reexamine for pride? Am I judging someone? I find writing things out really helps me process and see inside. I like to write in my journal as if it’s a letter to God. Talking directly to Him. Physically seeing my words expose my heart. Pray before you do, and ask the Lord to search your heart, to test it, and to reveal any wicked ways that He may also lead you in the way everlasting. Proverbs 20:27 tells us, “The spirit of a man is the lamp of the LORD, searching all the inner depths of his heart.” He sees, and He will answer the sincere cry of your heart for His truth. His help. His deliverance.

4.       Consider the hidden.

John 7:24 tells us,  “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.” Is there something more than meets the eye? If we look beneath behavior with a heart of compassion, we might find a compelling reason for offense. I hate it when I criticize someone else, what they’ve said or done, only to find out they’ve been through something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, and their behavior is simply an expression of deep, tragic hurt.  Not to excuse wrong behavior. But that we can have compassion for others. That we might be slow to anger and abounding in love, just like our heavenly Father is with us. Full of grace.

5.       Get the whole story.

Proverbs 18:17 cautions, “The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor comes and examines him.” When someone shares information about another person or situation, remember, there’s always more than one side. As a mom, we face this reality every day, and most days, many times over! If we react without due diligence, we are likely to be the ones shouldering regret. Go to the source (see No. 7 Thursday). Get the whole story. Be sure that if you do take action, it is based on the facts and not on one skewed version, no matter how convincing it might be.

In the interest of keeping things short, I’ll share the remaining five steps Thursday. In the meantime, I pray the Lord will take the time in between to let His word sink deep in our hearts. To the place where it changes how we think and what we do.

Lord, as You promised Your people in Ezekiel 36:26-27, give us new hearts and put Your spirit within us. Take our hearts of stone and give us hearts of flesh. May Your Spirit move in us to walk in Your ways and obey You as we become more wholly Yours today.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His

My Wicked Tongue

As soon as I said it, conviction seized me. My daughter stood there, shell shocked, wounded by my words. Without saying a word, her expression spoke of the betrayal she felt. I hurt just remembering. Tears threaten. I don’t even remember why I was so frustrated with her, which shows you how important it must have been. I can guess it was probably over disobedience, or arguing, or negotiating, or complaining. Chances are I was neglecting my responsibility to hold my kids accountable to first-time obedience, or I was slacking in holding them to the Lord’s standards. And in frustration, I let what was in my heart escape my tongue, and my daughter was a casualty of the war that rages inside of me. I do remember exactly what I said. Even though I asked for forgiveness, the words can’t be taken back. How I wish they could! I pray she doesn’t remember so clearly. That the Lord in His great mercy and love takes an eraser to her memory and wipes clean the sinful words of her mother. The one who is supposed to lift her up and encourage her in the Lord. Oh, Father, forgive me! Not just for that instance, but for every time I’ve used my words as a weapon against my family and those I love.

The temptation of the tongue is great. It relentlessly lurks in idle time, uncomfortable silence, anger, hurt, revenge, pride, humor, frustration, confusion, uncertainty, ambition, competition, insecurity, bitterness, discontentment, and unforgiveness. It thrives when we allow a controlling, critical, or judgmental spirit to rule our hearts. When we succumb to the lure of a loose tongue, the consequences are deadly. Oh Lord, I need Your word! I need Your rescue. I need Your grace. My tongue betrays what’s in my heart, and my eyes witness the ugly truth. Out of the outflow of my heart my mouth speaks (Matt. 12:34).

Wrong words have found a comfortable place in my family. All kinds of wrong words. “Unwholesome talk,” as Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) calls it. “Rotten, putrefied, corrupted by one and no longer fit for use, worn out, of poor quality, bad, unfit for use, worthless” talk, if you look it up in the Greek (www.blueletterbible.com, Strong’s G4550). Other versions call it corrupt communication (KJV), corrupt word (NKJV), foul or abusive language (NLT), corrupting talk (ESV).

My default response is to address the words. “I’ll do better next time.” Or, “I just have to hold my tongue.” Or I’ll memorize a scripture and quote it to myself and my kids. Better yet, we’ll all memorize it and that will fix the problem. I’ll make the kids role play appropriate words. Yeah, that will do it! Not that there’s anything wrong with any of that. We should make an effort to discipline our tongues. We should memorize scripture that we might not sin against God (Ps. 119:11). We should teach and train our kids to say things in a God-honoring way. But the spoken symptoms simply signal a deeper problem. In me. In my family. A heart issue that requires a gospel solution. Only the blood of Jesus can satisfy the penalty our words deserve. Only a genuine love for Him, birthed out of gratitude for the magnitude of what He’s done for us, can compel us to submit to his scalpel. Only a desperate realization of our destitute state without Him. Remembering that Jesus died for all sin for all time. He died for all the things we’ve said and the things we will say. He satisfied the demands of a holy God. In Christ, covered by His blood, we have too.

Our salvation is secure. Our sanctification is ongoing.

We need the Great Physician to be our great heart surgeon, cutting out tumors and healing sickness and disease in that part of us that is “the centre and seat of spiritual life; the soul or mind, as it is the fountain and seat of the thoughts, passions, desires, appetites, affections, purposes, endeavors; of the understanding, the faculty and seat of the intelligence; of the will and character” (www.blueletterbible.com, Matt. 12:34, heart, Strong’s G2588).

Unless the Lord changes our hearts, our tongues will tattle. In all things, including the secrets of my inner life. When James asks me for help, and I ask him if he can’t see the piles on my desk that need my attention, is that a tongue problem or a heart problem? Both, yes. But the root of the issue is in my heart. If my heart was truly submitted to the Lord, to serving James and being his help mate, my words would reflect that. When I’m resisting James’ authority and he puts his foot down, only to have his wife salute him with the words, “Heil Hitler,” is that a tongue or a heart problem? When I critically comment on a person’s clothing or look, is that a tongue or a heart problem? When I rant and rave about how someone has offended me, is that a tongue or a heart problem? When a child needs my help at the most inopportune time, and I let out an exasperated sigh, is that a tongue or a heart problem? When I get frustrated with my family and my words fly like daggers, is that a tongue or a heart problem? When I don’t know what to do in a relationship, and I talk to other people about it, is that a tongue or a heart problem? (More on that Monday.)

Lord, exert Your holy influence on my heart! Please, Lord, give Your grace that turns me to Jesus, keeps me there, strengthens me, and increases my faith, knowledge, and love for You, and compels me to walk in Your ways.

When our hearts change, so will our words.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Ps. 139:23-24). No matter what You find, Lord, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (Ps. 51:10). I beseech You, Lord, to strengthen me to obey Ephesians 4:29-32:

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

Heavenly Father, I do not despise Your discipline. I am not discouraged by your rebuke. For you discipline the ones You love. (Heb. 12:5-6). I welcome Your discipline, Lord.

May the Lord discipline each of us right where we need it in order to become wholly His today.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His