As we saw Thursday, the second half of Proverbs 11:2 tells
us: “But with the humble is wisdom.” When we are modest, reserved, and
unassuming – submitted to God, His will, and His ways – we will have the
discretion we need to cautiously handle the practical matters of life and
relationships.
“That’s all fine and good, Shauna,” you might say. “But what
do we DO?!?!?!” Pain is a motivator,
and in the weeks following the incident with my family, I talked with God… a
lot. I prayed…a lot. I asked God for answers. For specific scriptures. Jotting
His answers down, I ended up with “Ten Steps to a Tame Tongue.” It’s sort of
like a self-improvement program for the tongue. It’s truth He is instilling in
my heart so it will affect my lips. I pray it is a help to you as well.
Here are the first five.
1.
Go to God first.
So many times, when we’re hurt, angry, or
perplexed, or even just opinionated about something we’ve heard or learned
about another person, the first thing we grab is the phone. If you’re like me,
you call the person who will tell you what you want to hear at the moment. We
might call any number of people before the thought occurs to talk to God about
it, yet He’s the FIRST person we should contact! If we feel the need to gossip,
let’s take it to the Lord first, and ask Him about it, following His wisdom in Proverbs
11:13: “A talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit
conceals a matter.” My first response needs to be to conceal not reveal. When I
need to talk, I need to talk to God. If I need to vent, I need to vent to Him
first.
2.
Grab the word, instead of the phone.
Find out what scripture says about what
troubles you. Psalm 119:105 says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light
to my path.” He will light the way as we hold up His word to the things with
which we struggle. Use your Bible’s concordance or an online resources like www.blueletterbible.com or www.biblegateway.com to search for
verses that can give you the direction you seek. Ask others which scriptures
help them in similar relationships and circumstances (see No. 8 and 9 first;
coming Thursday).
3. Get
to the heart of the matter.
Ask yourself: Why
am I so upset? Why am I feeling compelled to talk? Taking my eyes off everyone
else involved, what is it in me that is reacting so strongly to what’s happened,
is happening, or has been reported to me? Is pride rearing its ugly head? Am I
afraid? Fear is a terrible distorter. So is pride. Am I hurt? Am I offended? If
yes, why? Do I have a right to be hurt or offended? Do I need to reexamine for
pride? Am I judging someone? I find writing things out really helps me process
and see inside. I like to write in my journal as if it’s a letter to God.
Talking directly to Him. Physically seeing my words expose my heart. Pray
before you do, and ask the Lord to search your heart, to test it, and to reveal
any wicked ways that He may also lead you in the way everlasting. Proverbs
20:27 tells us, “The spirit of a man is the lamp of the LORD, searching
all the inner depths of his heart.” He sees, and He will answer the
sincere cry of your heart for His truth. His help. His deliverance.
4. Consider
the hidden.
John 7:24 tells
us, “Do not judge according to appearance,
but judge with righteous judgment.” Is there something more than meets the eye?
If we look beneath behavior with a heart of compassion, we might find a
compelling reason for offense. I hate it when I criticize someone else, what
they’ve said or done, only to find out they’ve been through something I
wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, and their behavior is simply an expression of
deep, tragic hurt. Not to excuse wrong
behavior. But that we can have compassion for others. That we might be slow to
anger and abounding in love, just like our heavenly Father is with us. Full of
grace.
Proverbs 18:17
cautions, “The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor
comes and examines him.” When someone shares information about another person
or situation, remember, there’s always more than one side. As a mom, we face
this reality every day, and most days, many times over! If we react without due
diligence, we are likely to be the ones shouldering regret. Go to the source
(see No. 7 Thursday). Get the whole story. Be sure that if you do take action,
it is based on the facts and not on one skewed version, no matter how
convincing it might be.
In the interest of keeping things
short, I’ll share the remaining five steps Thursday. In the meantime, I pray
the Lord will take the time in between to let His word sink deep in our hearts.
To the place where it changes how we think and what we do.
Lord, as You promised Your people
in Ezekiel 36:26-27, give us new hearts and put Your spirit within us. Take our
hearts of stone and give us hearts of flesh. May Your Spirit move in us to walk
in Your ways and obey You as we become more wholly Yours today.
Shauna Wallace
Holy His
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