As soon as I said it, conviction
seized me. My daughter stood there, shell shocked, wounded by my words. Without
saying a word, her expression spoke of the betrayal she felt. I hurt just
remembering. Tears threaten. I don’t even remember why I was so frustrated with
her, which shows you how important it must have been. I can guess it was
probably over disobedience, or arguing, or negotiating, or complaining. Chances
are I was neglecting my responsibility to hold my kids accountable to first-time
obedience, or I was slacking in holding them to the Lord’s standards. And in
frustration, I let what was in my heart escape my tongue, and my daughter was a
casualty of the war that rages inside of me. I do remember exactly what I said.
Even though I asked for forgiveness, the words can’t be taken back. How I wish
they could! I pray she doesn’t remember so clearly. That the Lord in His great
mercy and love takes an eraser to her memory and wipes clean the sinful words
of her mother. The one who is supposed to lift her up and encourage her in the
Lord. Oh, Father, forgive me! Not just for that instance, but for every time
I’ve used my words as a weapon against my family and those I love.
The temptation of the tongue is
great. It relentlessly lurks in idle time, uncomfortable silence, anger, hurt,
revenge, pride, humor, frustration, confusion, uncertainty, ambition,
competition, insecurity, bitterness, discontentment, and unforgiveness. It
thrives when we allow a controlling, critical, or judgmental spirit to rule our
hearts. When we succumb to the lure of a loose tongue, the consequences are
deadly. Oh Lord, I need Your word! I need Your rescue. I need Your grace. My
tongue betrays what’s in my heart, and my eyes witness the ugly truth. Out of
the outflow of my heart my mouth speaks (Matt. 12:34).
Wrong words have found a
comfortable place in my family. All kinds of wrong words. “Unwholesome talk,”
as Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) calls it. “Rotten,
putrefied, corrupted by one and no longer fit for use, worn out, of poor
quality, bad, unfit for use, worthless” talk, if you look it up in the Greek (www.blueletterbible.com, Strong’s
G4550). Other versions call it corrupt communication (KJV), corrupt word (NKJV),
foul or abusive language (NLT), corrupting
talk (ESV).
My default response is to address
the words. “I’ll do better next time.” Or, “I just have to hold my tongue.” Or
I’ll memorize a scripture and quote it to myself and my kids. Better yet, we’ll
all memorize it and that will fix the problem. I’ll make the kids role play
appropriate words. Yeah, that will do it! Not that there’s anything wrong with
any of that. We should make an effort to discipline our tongues. We should
memorize scripture that we might not sin against God (Ps. 119:11). We should
teach and train our kids to say things in a God-honoring way. But the spoken
symptoms simply signal a deeper problem. In me. In my family. A heart issue
that requires a gospel solution. Only the blood of Jesus can satisfy the
penalty our words deserve. Only a genuine love for Him, birthed out of
gratitude for the magnitude of what He’s done for us, can compel us to submit
to his scalpel. Only a desperate realization of our destitute state without
Him. Remembering that Jesus died for all sin for all time. He died for all the
things we’ve said and the things we will say. He satisfied the demands of a
holy God. In Christ, covered by His blood, we have too.
Our salvation is secure. Our sanctification
is ongoing.
We need the Great Physician to be
our great heart surgeon, cutting out tumors and healing sickness and disease in
that part of us that is “the centre and seat of spiritual life; the soul or
mind, as it is the fountain and seat of the thoughts, passions, desires,
appetites, affections, purposes, endeavors; of the understanding, the faculty
and seat of the intelligence; of the will and character” (www.blueletterbible.com, Matt. 12:34,
heart, Strong’s G2588).
Unless the Lord changes our
hearts, our tongues will tattle. In all things, including the secrets of my
inner life. When James asks me for help, and I ask him if he can’t see the
piles on my desk that need my attention, is that a tongue problem or a heart
problem? Both, yes. But the root of the issue is in my heart. If my heart was
truly submitted to the Lord, to serving James and being his help mate, my words
would reflect that. When I’m resisting James’ authority and he puts his foot
down, only to have his wife salute him with the words, “Heil Hitler,” is that a
tongue or a heart problem? When I critically comment on a person’s clothing or
look, is that a tongue or a heart problem? When I rant and rave about how
someone has offended me, is that a tongue or a heart problem? When a child
needs my help at the most inopportune time, and I let out an exasperated sigh,
is that a tongue or a heart problem? When I get frustrated with my family and
my words fly like daggers, is that a tongue or a heart problem? When I don’t
know what to do in a relationship, and I talk to other people about it, is that
a tongue or a heart problem? (More on that Monday.)
Lord, exert Your holy influence
on my heart! Please, Lord, give Your grace that turns me to Jesus, keeps me
there, strengthens me, and increases my faith, knowledge, and love for You, and
compels me to walk in Your ways.
When our hearts change, so will
our words.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me,
and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in
the way everlasting” (Ps. 139:23-24). No matter what You find, Lord, “Create in
me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (Ps. 51:10). I
beseech You, Lord, to strengthen me to obey Ephesians 4:29-32:
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your
mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to
the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed
for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil
speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
Heavenly Father, I do not despise
Your discipline. I am not discouraged by your rebuke. For you discipline the
ones You love. (Heb. 12:5-6). I welcome Your discipline, Lord.
May the Lord discipline each of us right where we need it in
order to become wholly His today.
Shauna Wallace
Holy His
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