Maybe the Shoe Is a Hand

I lied. This is not the final post for this series on the faithfulness of God. I simply cannot wrap it up yet. Sitting in church this past Sunday, January 1, 2012, my pastor suggested there might be things about 2011 we would rather forget. “Amen! Don’t you know it!” I shouted in my head. Immediately, the Holy Spirit brought pause to my thoughts: “Really, Shauna? Do you really want to forget?”And you know what? I don’t, and here’s why. If I forget the painful, frustrating, disappointing experiences of the past year, if I simply sweep them under my “let’s not go there” rug, the tender revelations, the faith-altering lessons, and the new depth of my intimate relationship with the Lord also fall victim to the memory erasing broom. In that moment, appreciation welled up within me for the hardships through which He allowed me to see, know, and experience Him in a tangible way. No matter how many shoes drop, I don’t want to forget.

Then yesterday, I sat across the breakfast table from two of the strongest, most beautiful women I know. They have something in common and I wanted them to meet: cancer. Two hours passed like ten minutes. Joy wells up within my heart. I can’t yet articulate my emotions. I’m overwhelmed with the tenderness and power of the God of all creation at work in and through these two sisters in Christ. They shared honestly about chemo and wigs, fear and faith, and the power of the word of God. And the question of why. Sound familiar? I asked that a lot this last year. It was time to go. They exchanged phone numbers, and we said our goodbyes. One friend headed to Houston for treatment, and as is the female way, the two of us who remained carried on in the parking lot. It was then, and in the car as I ran errands and hooked up for lunch with my sister-in-law, that God began to connect thoughts and dots in my head. Thus the extension to my series and two more truths to share today.

IRREVOCABLE TRUTH #5: The real question isn’t why, but how. As we set aside our own understanding, knowing that God’s thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways, there will be things we just aren’t going to understand this side of heaven. Babies are conceived but not delivered. Margins are clear and then cancer reappears. Children die before their parents. A young student commits suicide. A perfect marriage fails. Disaster strikes and suffering overwhelms a family or a nation. A 95-year-old is ready for heaven yet lingers in a degenerating body. Why? Does God allow these things to happen? Does He cause them? These are hard questions. I’ve asked them. And He always leads me back to Him. Who He is, what He says in His word, who I am in Christ, and what He wants from me. And the question changes. It’s no longer why, but how? How, Lord, would you have me walk through this challenge in such a way that You are glorified? How, Lord, do I need to be transformed by the renewing of my mind? How, Lord, can I be useful to You as I walk through this time? Talking in the parking lot, my breakfast buddy shared with me that she got to the point where she simply couldn’t allow herself to ask why any more. Thinking back on this morning’s conversation, she shared about a time when she received her chemo treatments in a large, open room with other cancer patients. Relationships were formed and doors opened to share her faith. People who at first seemed turned off by her faith would return and ask for prayer. That’s a how.

IRREVOCABLE TRUTH #6: In our suffering, we experience the comfort of Christ, in order that we can extend His comfort to others who are suffering. Second Corinthians 1:3-7 says:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same suffering which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation.

I have a whole new appreciation for what it means to suffer a miscarriage. I have experienced the comfort of Christ and can now share that comfort with others. I have experienced the comfort of Christ through a year of back-to-back disappointments. I can now share that comfort with others. My friends can share the comfort of Christ with each other and other cancer patients in a way that I cannot. I guarantee there is theology in the above scripture that is way deeper and beyond the simple truth I am pulling from it. As I read it, I ask myself: Am I willing to suffer that others might experience the comfort of Christ through me? Am I willing to suffer for another’s consolation and salvation? Am I willing to be inconvenienced in order that God may be glorified? Lord, by Your grace, may my answer be “Yes, and amen!”

I did a little research on the origin of the saying waiting for the other shoe to drop. According to www.answers.com (12/29/2011), the phrase means one is “waiting for something bad to happen which you are expecting. It comes from a famous music hall joke about a man who is woken by the drunk upstairs dropping his shoe. He can't get back to sleep because he is waiting for the second crash on the ceiling. Eventually he shouts upstairs ‘For Heaven’s sake, drop the other shoe!’” I propose to you there is no such thing as the proverbial other shoe. There is, however, the hand of God carrying out His perfect will, not just for us, but for all of mankind, for His glory, and for His kingdom purpose. First Peter 5:6-11 tells us:

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

I am no longer looking for a shoe. Only a Hand.

May the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you as you become wholly His.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His

When the Other Shoe Drops...and Another...and Another!

With distended bellies and cheeks sore from laughter, we waddled from the local Italian restaurant. The food was scrumptious; the fellowship even tastier. Our banter continued as we strolled toward James’ truck. Slightly ahead, James stopped dead in his tracks. Clearly perplexed, as if in slow motion, he pivoted toward us as the words spill forth:

“Where’s my truck!?!?”

The reality of the empty parking space answered his question: the truck was stolen. With the police on the phone and our youngest nearing hysterics, we packed ourselves like sardines in our friend’s sedan and headed home. With the police report filed, the house alarm on, fears allayed, and everyone tucked, we headed to bed. At 3 a.m., the police called with good and bad news: They found the truck, but there wasn’t much left of it. That was February.

Fast forward to September. It’s a girl’s night out of the purest kind. Delectable delights only a female would appreciate adorn my dining room table. Racks of fashion skirt the living room and excited chatter fills the air. It’s an evening of shopping at home with my favorite friends! Finally settling down with my plate of food, I look into the kitchen to see my son’s finger summon me. By his urgent expression, I know it’s important. As I enter the kitchen, he moves to the garage door, still beckoning me with the same gesture and somber look. Stepping into the garage, there’s James, sitting in his golf cart, head bent, labored breathing, eyes rolled back. Instantly, my heart sinks to my toes, my head starts to spin, and I think the worst:

“He’s had a stroke!”

Not really wanting to hear the answer, I ask, “What happened?!?!?” “I hurt my leg,” James responds. “Oh praise Jesus! What did you do???” And so the story unfolds. In the face of too much estrogen, he decided to golf. Alone. When alas, he spotted a golf ball. Not just any golf ball...a really, really nice golf ball. Without a second thought, he leapt like a super hero to the top of the wrought iron fence separating him and the ball. That’s when things went wrong. His foot got stuck, and as his body continued over the fence, his knee contorted in ways it never should. Laying on the other side of the fence with the very nice golf ball (which, by the way, he no longer cared much about), he was faced with getting back over the fence to his golf cart, which held his phone, and back home for help. The rest of the evening was spent in the emergency room. One knee surgery and three months of physical therapy later, he has his swing back. Life is good. And I’ll give him $5 any time he wants a new, worthy-of-jumping-a-fence ball.

Two months later, the second line turns pink again. The doctor confirms, but this time I wait to shout it from the mountaintop. At seven weeks, we witness life on the screen and the pounding of the baby’s heartbeat is like music to our ears. “Could we hear that just one more time?” we ask. It’s for real this time. Time to tell the world! And so I do. The following week, things don’t seem right. The doctor wants to see me. Watching the ultrasound screen, my ears hear, and my heart sinks:

“I can’t find a heartbeat.”

I don’t get it Lord! Why a second time? Why do you give life that never sees delivery? What have I done wrong? Is there sin in my life that is opening the door to the devil’s destruction?

What do we do when a split second changes everything? What do we do when we don’t understand the tragedy that strikes? What do we do when our circumstances challenge what we think about God and what His word tells us about Him? Jobsites were vandalized as thieves stripped copper wires from several of our company's homes under construction. The Lord moved us from our church home of eight years. And I questioned. Is my understanding of the scriptures biblically correct? Have I believed without confirming in the word for myself? If I stood on the word but tragedy still came, what did I do wrong? Why didn’t it work? Have I reduced my relationship to a formula by which I try to get what I want from God? And then when it doesn’t work, where does that leave me? If I don’t know that my beliefs are correct, then how do I pray? What is my relationship to You, Lord, if I don’t know what I believe?

In the process of crying out to the Lord for answers, He faithfully showed Himself available. Trustworthy. Holy. Sovereign. Full of mercy. Full of grace. True. When everything around us is unpredictable, unreliable, vulnerable, and changing, He is not. His word is irrevocable. He is unchanging. He can be trusted. He answered my cry, and He secured in my spirit two more irrevocable truths.

IRREVOCABLE TRUTH #3: We will lose heart unless we believe we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Between discovering and losing my second pregnancy, I had one of those sweet encounters with God. My husband and I went out of town for a quick getaway, and while he fished with friends one day, I savored the time to myself. Rising relatively early, I treated myself to my favorite $5 coffee, returned to my room, laid my Bible in my lap, and started talking to God. Suppressed struggles spilled forth as I emptied myself before the Lord. As I fervently explained how desperately I didn’t want to go through the disappointment of losing another baby, He answered with Psalm 27. The closing verses became my prayer:

I will lose heart, Lord, unless I believe I will see Your goodness in the land of the living. I wait on You, Lord; I will be of good courage, and You will strengthen my heart; I will wait on You, Lord!

Things didn’t turn out the way I wanted, yet in the midst of grieving, questioning, railing, and letting go, I saw God’s goodness in the land of the living. I waited on Him, and He strengthened my heart. He confirmed His truth in my innermost being, deep down where no circumstance can argue against it.

IRREVOCABLE TRUTH #4: Do not lean on your own understanding. When I learned I was pregnant the second time, I was convinced it was God’s way of restoring what was lost with my blighted ovum earlier that year. I connected all the dots for Him and topped the whole explanation with a big red bow. When we lost the baby, my understanding unraveled. After letting family and friends know of our loss, my sweet sister-in-law searched the Bible for words of wisdom I would find consoling. The tenderness of her extended hand of comfort was magnified by the fact that she searched what she knew would mean most to me, and she sent me Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Sometimes difficult relationships, unexpected developments, uncomfortable experiences, serious disappointments, and scary circumstances reveal our own misplaced trust and wrong understanding. His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts, so as we desperately cling to Him through life’s twists and turns, our job is to believe His word. To trust. To love. To acknowledge, thank, and praise. No matter what. He WILL direct our paths. Every time, when we wait on Him. If there seems to be an infinite supply of other shoes dropping in your life, hang on to God’s goodness, to the truth of His word, and to His faithfulness. And stay tuned Thursday for the third and final blog in this series: “Maybe the Shoe Is a Hand!”

Happy New Year! May we aspire together to become more wholly His in 2012.

Shauna Wallace

Holy His