One funeral was for a church
elder our family had come to love. Humble, a man of few words but overwhelming
love, wise, and gentle. He walked the word. His life preached the gospel of
Jesus Christ. He lived it in the way he prayed – I mean really prayed – served,
led, did what he said he would do, stood for truth, but did so in love. And he adored
his wife. Tenderly. Sweetly. Boldly, as Christ loves the church. His life made
a lasting impression for Jesus, which begs the question: Is mine?
Katie, the young girl who died
tragically in a car accident about a month ago, if even that. Her funeral
celebrated her love for Jesus. Her devotion to His word. The light that
radiated from a heart fully devoted to Jesus. Her love for others. It begs the
question: What do others see of Jesus in me?
Self examination. Brutal honesty.
Truth, as God sees it. That’s what I desire as I consider what might be said of
me now. How desperately I want the monologue to change knowing what I do about my
insides. What you see may look pretty good, but what I see reveals the degree
of my need for a Savior every day. The motives of my heart. God keeps exposing how
misguided they are, even when I’m “doing good.” And the good that you see, is it God’s good or
good by the world’s standards?
I want to stand before my heavenly
Father blameless and harmless, a child of God
without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom I
shine as a light in the world (Philippians 2:15). I’m not talking about
performance, or good works, or achieving some ideal by sheer will,
determination, or my own effort. It’s not Jesus “plus” that saves us. It’s just
Jesus. I’m talking about reaching an ever deeper level of absolute surrender. An
all consuming love for God. A love that motivates obedience. Experiencing His
grace in sanctification to the point of transformation from the inside out.
So here it is. The memorial or
obituary as I hope it will one day be written:
Shauna Wallace loved the Lord her God with
all her heart, mind, strength, and soul (Deuteronomy 6:5). She humbled herself
and was obedient, even to the point of death (Philippians 2:8). She loved her
neighbor as herself (Leviticus 19:18) and was willing to lay down her life, and
even more so her lifestyle for others (I John 3:16). The heart of her husband
trusted her; “she did him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs
31:11-12). She was submissive to him, honoring him in private and in public. She
was a wise steward over all God entrusted her. She watched over the ways of her
household and did not eat the bread of idleness (Proverbs 31:27). Strength and
honor were her clothing; she opened her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue
was the law of kindness (Proverbs 31:25-26). She trained up her children in the
way they should go (Proverbs 22:6), holding God’s word in her heart and
teaching it diligently to her children, talking to them of God’s word when they
sat in their house, walked by the way, lay down, and rose up (Deuteronomy 6:7).
Her children call her blessed, and her husband praises her (Proverbs 31:28). Her
beauty was not the outward appearance, but rather the hidden person of her
heart, “with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” (1 Peter
3:3-4). Even on bad days, her love for God showed in her love for others, both those
close to her and those who didn’t know her at all. She was quick to listen and
slow to anger, abounding in love that covered a multitude of sins. She was
kind, did not envy, did not parade herself, was not puffed up, did not behave
rudely, did not seek her own, was not provoked, thought no evil, and did not
rejoice in iniquity. Rather, she rejoiced in truth, bore all things, believed
all things, hoped all things, and endured all things. Her love never failed (I
Corinthians 13:4-8). She was full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). She was
crucified with Christ; it was no longer her life to live, but Christ lived
in her; and the life she lived in the flesh, she lived by faith in the Son of
God (Galatians 2:20). By His amazing grace, God saved her, by faith, and
revealed Himself to others through His work in her. Today, her children love
the Lord with all their heart, mind, strength, and soul, and the Lord used her
to draw others to Himself because of the ways she loved unconditionally and
sacrificially with the love of Christ Jesus.
I put this before the Lord as a
prayer. That by the working of His Holy Spirit in me, according to His good
pleasure, He will complete the good work He started in me until the day of
Jesus Christ. That He will work together all things for good in order that I
might reflect the character of Christ in my life. In all ways. All days. In
every area. That people, most especially
my family, my children, will remember Jesus in me.
Sadly, if I had to write this
same obituary today, it might read more like this:
Shauna Wallace really wanted to love God
with all her heart, mind, strength, and soul, but many times fell short when it
got tough. She wanted to live a life of no compromise, but when culture made it
hard to take a stand, she sometimes wavered. Her desire was for inner beauty to
be her priority, but she spent a lot of time trying to achieve the perfect
body, hair, skin, and look. She was 43, but would try anything to look no older
than 29. Even though she tried to do all the right things, she was impatient
and many times intolerant with her family. Her desire was to serve others, but
she found herself putting herself first. She lost her temper when she was
interrupted, and what she wanted often took priority over others. She didn’t
really know her neighbors, and she mostly served only those who she already
knew. She was a great hostess, making those she knew feel welcome in her home.
She accomplished a lot, but many times at the expense of relationships. She did
all the right things to have a relationship with God, but struggled to just
worship Him and spend time in His presence. When she read the Bible, she many
times saw herself in the lists of things God hates. When she had a lot on her mind
– and that happened a lot as she took on more than she should – she’d miss
things right in front of her, giving her plenty of opportunities to seek
forgiveness. She had great intentions, but didn’t always have great execution. Her
kids knew she loved them, but she didn’t always show them with her time. She
was working on it, though, and she had a good heart.
Perhaps the truth lies somewhere
in the middle. Whatever the case, my hope for progress cannot be in me. I fall
so repulsively short of the goal. My only source of hope is Jesus – that He will
accomplish His word in me. The magnitude of my hope is equal to the depth of my
despair because HE CAN DO what is impossible for me. Thank God for His grace!
Thank God it isn’t my performance that saves me. Only Jesus. Thank you,
Jesus!!!
Not too long ago, I ran across
that list I compiled of what I wanted in a man. I have no idea where it is
today, but I remember looking over it, amazed. Many of the things I desired,
God had achieved, both in me, and in my man, as Jesus filled our voids and
became the third strand in our marriage. Perhaps in several years I’ll happen
across this obituary, amazed.
How would your obituary read
today? What would your family and those closest to you remember most about you?
What would neighbors say? Coworkers? Church acquaintances? Friends? Other
parents? How do you want it to read? Take a few minutes to consider how you
might answer. Find some scriptures you want to define you. Write them down as
part of your own “obituary,” then commit it to prayer, knowing God will
complete His good work in you, too.
I am humbled and moved by God’s love
as I become more wholly His today.
Shauna Wallace
Holy His
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