As I’ve mentioned, I’m a doer. I live by checklists. I write
everything down, organized by area of responsibility, and even by area of town.
It’s all in my trusty spiral that goes everywhere with me, at the ready to
cross something off at any moment. The busier my life, the more I rely on my
spiral to “get my back.” It gives me great peace of mind to know that once I
write something down, I don’t have to think about it anymore. When I need to do
something about it, it will be right in front of me as I review pending tasks.
Each day, I review my lists and determine the highest priority items for that
particular day, and if I find myself with a few extra minutes, I’ll review my
lists to see if there’s something I can get done or on which I can make
progress. It’s a great tool that serves me well. Perfect for my Type A
personality! Sometimes, if I do something off my list, I might add it, just so
I can cross it off! Gross, I know. My compulsive personality can’t help itself
at times. It’s that part of me that can be my greatest weakness or my equally
great strength. Do you have one of those? Something that when held in check is
your greatest strength, but when out of balance becomes a detriment?
It’s that part of me that wants a formula for everything.
That way I can write it down, follow it, and yes, check it off! If you give me
a formula or I can somehow figure one out, confidence soars because I’m a rule
follower. If I just do the formula, I am guaranteed success. In some things, it
has worked. Performance is rewarded, and many times, we are conditioned
accordingly: excellent performance is rewarded; poor performance is not. It’s a necessary truth or guideline for
school, sports, career, and even hobbies and volunteer work. Somewhere along
the way, though, I applied it to my relationship with God, and it became about
performance. Quiet time? Check. Church Sunday? Check. Tithe? Check. Serve?
Check. Join a Bible study? Check. Head on my pillow, I would evaluate my day
according to how I “did” in each of these areas and many more. Did I yell at my
kids? Did I respect James? Did I take time for someone in need? If I performed
well, it was a good day. Being my worst critic, those days were few and far
between, and falling short became an intimacy barrier. The cycle became
debilitating. It backfired, really. The craziest thing about it is I didn’t
even know. I thought I was doing well to evaluate my life according to the word
of God. To strive for spiritual perfection. Yet, doubt gnawed at my spirit and
fear became a constant irritant. Was I really saved? Would I lose my salvation
if I didn’t do or not do everything in the Bible? Would my shortcomings short
circuit God’s blessings in my and my family’s life? I was living by the law,
not by grace. I was trying to earn God’s favor and blessing. And if it was
something I could earn, it was something I could lose, and according to my
evaluation of myself, everything was at risk. It was miserable!
Here’s the tricky thing for me. God does desire that you and
I live according to His word. The Bible is full of guidelines for godly living,
things we are to do and not do. There are tons of “if…then…” scenarios that
promise certain outcomes based on certain actions and heart attitudes. We
should desire to please Him. We should desire to do what He tells us to do, and
to abstain from those things that are offensive to Him. We should hold
ourselves to His standard and make every effort to not sin. What’s wrong with
striving? If God desires godly behavior, and we do what He expects, what’s the
big deal?
The answer: Grace. Grace is the big deal. “For by grace you
have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of
God” (Eph. 2:8). Our salvation is a gift. Even the faith with which we respond
is from God. We do nothing to earn our salvation. We can do nothing to retain
our salvation. We have God’s favor and blessing because He chooses to bestow
it. Because we are His children. Because of His grace and His love. The law is
a taskmaster. Love for the One who saves us is a motivator. We look at
standards. God looks at the heart. We measure performance. God measures motive.
We apply formulas. God supplies His Spirit.
Trapped in a self-imposed prison of spiritual perfectionism,
God set me free. In a moment of concise revelation, He lifted the burden of
performance with one directive: Fall in love with Me. Scales fell from my eyes.
My heart. I saw. “For the love of Christ compels us” (2 Cor. 5:14). That’s it.
When I fall in love with Jesus, that love becomes the motive. I’m no longer
earning His favor, I’m loving Him, and because I love Him, I naturally do what
He wants me to do. In order to fall in love with Him, I have to spend time with
Him. I have to spend time in His word. I have to know Him. When I do the things
necessary to know Him, I am in His presence. In His presence is fullness of
joy. I am filled with His Spirit. And He does in me the work He desires. He
produces that which pleases Him. I just have to fall in love with Him.
To fall in love, I have to worship. Be a worshipper.
He drives this home at a conference. David is mentioned. A
true worshipper. A man with a heart for God. A man whose worship is so public,
so uninhibited, that it disgusts his wife. Returning to the City of David with
the Ark of the Lord, David leapt and whirled before the Lord. In public. For
all to see! No shame in his game, we might say. His wife, Michal, watched through a window, and “despised him in her
heart” (2 Sam. 6:16). After the Israelites set the ark in the tabernacle and
David finished offering burnt and peace offerings to the Lord, he went home to
bless his household, only to be met by a mocking wife. I would imagine she was
thinking of one thing only: what would people think of her after seeing her
husband dancing publicly before the Lord? “How glorious was the king of Israel
today, uncovering himself today in the eyes of the maids of his servants, as
one of the base fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!” she taunts in verse
twenty. So he shuts her up, explaining that the Lord chose Him, and therefore
he would worship, even more undignified, in fact, “humble in my own site” (2
Sam. 6:22). By those she was sure would disdain him, he knew he would be
honored. “Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no children to the day of
her death” (2 Sam. 6:23). She was barren. And God showed me. More scales from
my eyes. When there is barrenness in my life, look for a lack of worship.
So this is my formula. Fall in love with God. Learn to be a
worshipper. Practice. Surround myself with worship music. Spend time
considering, pondering, meditating on His goodness, His character, His awesome
and mighty character. Tell Him. Love Him. Praise Him. And let Him do the rest.
How have you found yourself falling in love with Jesus? What
is your favorite way to worship? Have you struggled with living by grace rather
than the law? Is there a scripture you can share or a teaching you’ve heard
that might help others in their pursuit of Jesus? Consider sharing your
thoughts below.
May He cause us all to fall deeper in love with Him, and to
fall to our knees in worship, as we become more wholly His today.
Shauna Wallace
Holy His
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