I thought about the guts it took to
send the email. It was a gamble. I could have been offended and angry. It
showed true love. So I responded. I couldn’t resist a little bit of humor,
explaining how offended I was that the person thought I had a small chest! And
then I thanked her. In the months that have passed, I’ve offered a prayer of appreciation
to God for giving me a sister willing to speak truth in love. Willing to take a
risk to protect the men in her life and me. I thank God that something so
simple as an undershirt can bring such a sense of security and rightness. And
that’s all it’s taken. A few different colors and styles, and I dress with no
nagging doubts as to whether or not something is questionable. No bothersome
gapping to worry over every time I lean forward or sit down. Secure. Right.
Free!
So are there hard and fast rules we
can follow? First Corinthians 10:23-24 tells us, “All things are lawful for me,
but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all
things edify. Let no one seek his own, but each one the other's well-being.”
Then in verse thirty-one, it says, “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or
whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” If all things are permissible,
but not necessarily beneficial, the question becomes: How do we dress to the glory
of God? I’m sure there are dozens of lists to find and follow, and if you discover
one that lines up with the principles of scripture, I say go for it. Use it as
a guideline. Monday, I’ll share “Ten Modesty Makers,” and if you find the list
helpful, you are welcome to use it as a guideline in your home. Since there
aren’t specific scriptures that set forth exacts, such as the proper length of
a skirt of pair of shorts or the proper height of the front of a shirt, we can find
out what the Bible says as to how we should conduct ourselves in principle. What
we’ll find is even how we dress is a matter of the heart. A matter of what is
most important to us. Who or what we worship. Are we putting a higher priority
on our outer beauty than our inner beauty?
First Timothy 2:9-10 is an oft-quoted
passage on modesty: “In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in
modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or
pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness,
with good works.” Yes, we are to be modest, seemly and well arranged, in the
Greek, dressing in a way that does not draw attention to ourselves, is not
extreme or excessive, but rather simple and reserved. This speaks of our attire
and that with which we wear on the outside. But then Paul goes on to say we
should adorn ourselves with good works. What people see of us and therefore
know of us shouldn’t be how cute we dress or great we look, but how we act and
what our insides project on our outsides. First Peter 3:3-4 expands on the
subject: “Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging the hair,
wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – rather let it be the hidden person
of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which
is very precious in the sight of God.” I don’t interpret either passage to mean
we shouldn’t style our hair, wear jewelry, or wear nice clothes. He’s saying
this shouldn’t be our only adornment
as he establishes what should be our utmost priority: beauty on the inside,
which He defines as a gentle and quiet spirit.
All the way back to the time of Samuel
and David, God reveals what matters most to Him: "Do not look at his
appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD
does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD
looks at the heart" (I Samuel 16:7). That is where our true beauty exists
and from where it exudes. As such, it should hold a place of greatest
importance, especially in light of the fact that “He has clothed me with the
garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a
bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorns herself with her
jewels” (Isaiah 61:10).
Modesty is also a matter of loving our
brethren. Whether it is our deliberate intention or not, when we dress in a
manner that draws attention to our womanly features, or we allow our daughters
to do so, we take the risk of causing men of all ages to stumble. Romans 14:13
says, “Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this,
not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother's way.” By
making modest choices, we can refuse to be stumbling block that causes men to
fall. It is not breaking news that men are visual. Their desire is stimulated
by what they see. If they see sexy in you and me because of careless or
intentionally sensual attire, and it produces lustful thoughts, we share
responsibility. Matthew 5:28-29 explains, “But I say to you that whoever looks
at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his
heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you;
for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for
your whole body to be cast into hell.” Lust is serious. First John 2:16
explains, “For all that is in the world – the lust of the flesh, the lust of the
eyes, and the pride of life – is not of the Father but is of the world.” Our
world appeals to this weakness all the time everywhere. It’s hard enough for
men to remain pure in their thoughts when they’re visually assaulted with
immodesty everywhere they go and every direction they look. We have the opportunity
to guard their eyes and hearts by appropriately covering areas of our bodies
that might stir desire. First John 2:10 says, “He who loves his brother abides
in the light, and there is no cause for stumbling in him.” Let us abide in the
light with our dress so there is no cause for another to stumble. Romans 14:21
confirms, “It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by
which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak.” I propose that “do
anything” would include how we dress. Love covers a multitude of sin (I Peter
4:8). As we love and cover ourselves, we are covering a multitude of sins.
It’s hard. Honestly, I enjoy feeling
sexy. It feels good to know I look attractive in a particular outfit. Sexy is
aggressively promoted as synonymous with desirability in our culture, and who
doesn’t want to be desirable? And there’s nothing wrong with longing to be
desired. It’s natural, in its biblical context. In marriage. I can be sexy and
desirable all I want, in the privacy of my relationship with my husband. It’s
not that the desire is wrong. It’s not that it’s wrong to want to be sexy and
to do something about it. It’s doing so in the holy and pure context for which
God designed it: marriage. So it’s not a NO or a DON’T. It’s a YES! And an
amen! For marriage. For your husband’s eyes only. One read of Song of Solomon strongly illustrates such passion and desire.
As is His way, the Lord is moving beyond
my décolleté to my jeans. How tight is too tight? When someone asks if I
painted on my jeans (as happened to me the other day), perhaps that’s a first
clue they’re a bit too snug!
Lord, “whatever we do in word or deed,
(let us) do in the name of the Lord Jesus” (Colossians 3:7). Help us to “put on
the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its
lusts." (Romans 13:14) as we become wholly Yours in our fashion and dress today.
Even when it’s difficult. Even when it means getting rid of clothes we love. Even
when the cost is high.
Happy, holy dressing.
Shauna Wallace
Holy His
That was beautifully written! Thanks so much for sharing!
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